Thursday, December 07, 2006

WHAT I NEEDED TO HEAR

Yup, that's right. But from whom, you ask? Well good question blogger extrordinaires! It's your lucky day because I'm here to provide an answer.

Part One: What I needed to hear from you guys.
There are not enough words in the universe to describe how wonderful you guys are to me. I know I said this yesterday, but I am amazed at the support, empathy, suggestions, and accounts of similar situations that you provide me with. I really don't know what I would do without you. I would probably be at the edge of a cliff, deciding that this is all not worth it, and also impossible. Every day that you visit me, and reassure me, and provide me with (goofy) virtual hugs, I can take a step away from that edge and closer to sanity and understanding. I am so not alone, and though it's fucking crazy that any of us have to experience this, I am so glad to have you.

Part deux: What I needed to hear from The C
After yesterday's appointment I really didn't know what to think. Follicles growing, follicles shrinking. What the hell was going on. Plus, when I tried to talk to TWBD, all I got were mumbles. He "said" that it was all going alright, and this is just part of the process (in actuality he nodded when I asked him yes or no questions.) By the time The C got home form work at 7.30 I was in some kind of state. The minute I saw him I burst into tears and told him about the incredibly shrinking follicles. I let him know that it wasn't only the follie size that was getting to me, but also that I could not communicate with my doctor. I also asked him (knowing that it was next to impossible) if he would come to today's scan wiht me because I really need the support. Without hesitation he told me he would be there. He understood how frustrated I was and how much I needed him with me, even if it meant pissing his boss (my dad!) off. We sat and talked for a while about how our treatment so far was affecting us. I am so happy that we were able to sit and talk rationally about all that has been going on. The C's love and support last night was exactly what I needed.

Part tres: What I needed to hear from TWBD.
Ok, the truth of the matter is that I can't hear anything but mumbles and grunts, but I got what I needed to hear from Nurse Wonderful. My scan this morning, attended by The C, showed a range of follicles between 15 and 19mm. It felt really great to have The C with me, seeing what the procedure was, as well as what my ovaries were showing. As usual, TWBD said nothing during the wanding, and mumbled something as he headed towards the door. The C finally understood where all the frustrations were coming from! I dressed and we stepped out of the room to be met by NW and ushered into her office. (If this hadn't happened, The C was going to request that we sit with her and the doctor so that we can talk about where this was heading.) NW had great news: TWBD would like me to have an hCG shot tonight! YES! Your eyes do not deceive you! hCG TONIGHT! Woo hoo!! Music to my ears.

This is the way it's all supposed to go down:
9:00 tonight: hCG injection
9:30 tonight: sex-on-demand
9:30 tomorrow: post-coital test to see if sperm are alive in cervical mucous
If results of PCT are negative, then IUI Saturday morning.
If results of PCT are positive (ie: sperm are alive and kicking in CM), then fuck like rabbits.

I know there has been talk around these parts about the validity of the PCT. Ladies (Lut, Thalia), I can't tell you how much I value your input on the matter. I totally understand what you are saying about the test not showing anything worthwhile. I have a number of trains of thought on this one. The first is: it really wouldn't hurt to know if The C's sperm live in my CM. Second: the fact of the matter is that I don't think that my CM is very "good" (nothing even remotely related to EW has yet to appear down there), so I don't think that we are looking at a positive result. Thirdly: TWBD is willing to move to IUI if the result is not good, which suits me fine. Fourth: If there are actually live sperm in my CM, I think that we would like to give one final go at having a baby with actual sex. And finally: I think that if I had more guts I would insist on doing the IUI, but I don't think I have it in me.

So that's the scoop gals! In summary: I love you, I love my husband, and I love my clinic. There is a part of me that is so freaking excited (can you tell how green I am), and then the other part (like 98% part) that already sees the peestick with no second line.

10 comments:

Mary Ellen and Steve said...

Good luck with the trigger and everything that is going down over the next couple of days. I hope that you will update us over the next couple of days. I am hoping very hard for this cycle.

My Reality said...

Way to go on the follies! Seriously, why can't TWBD talk? Is he ok?

Happy trigger and on-demand sex. Hopefully, you can enjoy that part at least a little!

sariel & shlomit said...

so i'm sitting in front of the computer with sariel leaning on me watching me read...and all the while i'm saying "yaaay" "good' "great" "that's amazing" "oh i'm so happy for her"...you get the picture!!!
i'll have to go back and read abt the shrinking follies (missed that one somehow) but i LOVE the way the follicles look and you're terrific game plan!!! girl, we could be getting our bfps together...how magical would that be?!?!?!?!
be warned, you may be achey for a while where the hcg shot went in...it's all good and all worth it!!
oh, and fullish bladder for the iui!!!
i'm soooo excited!!
peace
shlomit

VanillaDreams said...

Sorry to hear about all the drama with the growing/shrinking follicles! How confusing and frustrating that is for you, particularly since this is your "first cycle" and all that.

good luck with the hCG shot, tests, FLB etc.!

But why can't your doctor communicate with you better yet?! This, I don't understand!

Take care of yourself,
xx
Nilla

Thalia said...

I'm glad you're feeling good about this, but I do feel compelled to have one last go about the end of your post.

First, there's nothing wrong with doing this test.

Second, the test will tell you NOTHING about whether you should continue to try to have a baby via good old-fashioned sex. Of course you should, we all should. There is always that one sperm, that one egg that happen to meet as a million to one shot. In your case with no other current issues it's totally worth trying. BUT the test doesn't give you any information as to your chances of conceiving this way. None.at.all

12 hours after you've had sex, any sperm worth their salt will already be up in the fallopian tubes, hangingout and having a good time. What's left is the dross that couldn't get their act together. It doesn't mean your CM killed them off, it means they were the duds anyway. If your husband's sperm count is ok, then it's ok, what's left in your vagina has nothing to do with it!

Honestly. Some REs should be shot. Go do the test and for heaven's sake do the IUI as well. It ups your chances a bit (about 8% or so), and after all you've been through on this cycle you should get something out of it.

Heather said...

I'm excited for you!!!!

Karen said...

Sounds like things are looking up. Like Thalia, I'd recommend doing the IUI regardless of the PCT results. It just can't hurt to do it, it's not that expensive, and it's not terribly invasive (no more so than the coochie-cams that you've been dealing with anyway). May as well get your money's worth out of all those injections! (And you can still go at it the old fashioned way... you'll never have to know whether it was the sex or the IUI that did it... as long as it works, it won't matter)

Good luck!

Lut C. said...

Thalia knows her stuff. I'm with her.

Good luck with the cycle!

Lut C. said...

Thalia knows her stuff. I'm with her.

Good luck with the cycle!

Nico said...

I never had good EWCM on any of my injectible cycles - that's another reason to do the IUI. And another reason the PCT might not give valid results - sperm don't live for that long when the CM isn't EW. I hope that the trigger went well (and the after part ;-)