Sunday, June 29, 2008


You kow, here's the thing.

I have always been the baby of the family. I was 10 before a new addition was made to the family, and even then I remained the baby. Growing up with family friends I was youngest of all the kids. I have 3 cousins who are younger than me, and 2 neices, and still I am referred to as "the baby". While I was pregnant, I can't even tell you how many times I heard "the baby is having a baby!".

It's funny, I never minded being called the baby. It has never bothered me. I liked the attention.

Now, of course, the baby's baby is born. A family member pointed out to me that I would longer get the attention of the baby in the family. And you know what? I LOVE it. I love that Sacha is the centre of attention around here. It thrills me to have people come over, say a quick hello to me and beeline for the baby. (And I get the distinct feeling that Sacha adores it too!)

Friday night my in-laws called and told my husband that they were coming for the weekend. (Yes, they told him they were coming, not asked if we had other plans, seeing as they would be arriving 12 hours later.) Alas, as annoying as this information was to me, there was little I could do about it. They haven't seen Sacha since he was about 2 weeks old.

I was out all day with Sacha yesterday, and arrived home a few minutes after they arrived at our house. I unlocked the door and there was my father-in-law. He grabbed the baby seat from my hands and plunked the baby down in the living room in front of my mother-in-law, who immediately started fawning over him. The child was still strapped in and it became apparent that the mechanism of the carseat was too much for my mother-in-law to handle so I unbuckled him. My mother-in-law practically pushed me out of the way to lift Sacha out.

As I said before, I am ecstatic that everyone wants to see Sacha right away. And I know they were excited to see him- it had been 3 months. Never mind that they did not take into account that the baby might be scared when faced with people that he doesn't recognize. Never mind that someone that is a strnager to him swooped right in and grabbed him. I am hardly ever comfortable around my in-laws (they don't speak much English, and make very little effort to try to communicate with me), and their behaviour instantly put me on edge. Some kids are sensitive and don't like to be bombarded by strangers. I'm lucky that Sacha likes to laugh and giggle at anyone.

I realized about 10 minutes after our arrival that my in-laws did not even say hi to me. It's almost as if I don't exist. They have never been warm and fuzzy towards me, but now it's apaprent that I was just a vehicle for their grandson. My husband thinks that I am nuts- of course they said hello! He, as I recall, had ran out to the car and not seen this whole transaction, or lack there of.

All day the in-laws have been clapping and whistling at Sacha, holding him when I want him to be playing or having tummy-time. The C showed my mother-in-law some books we found in Portuguese, and asked her if she would read one to Sacha. She basically laughed at the notion that we read to the baby because, of course, he can't understand!

I know it's only a weekend, but it still puts me on edge. Are there not limits to what I should tollerate?

Monday, June 23, 2008


So... As always, Mel over at Stirrup-Queens has come up with another fabulous idea. Go on... click over, but please come back... I need your help.

For those not wanting to click, in a nutshell, she writes:
The first days may have been the hardest days for the Grateful Dead, but the second year is certainly the hardest year for a blogger.

I am less than one week away from getting through the second year.

Therefore, I am marking the event, nodding towards the stamina and the
journey and the hard work by choosing a new secondary blogging name much in the same tradition as a trail name.

[...] If your blog is two years old or older; or when your blog turns two years old (perhaps, if you just crossed into your second year, this will be an impetus to keep writing for 11 more months), please add your blog to the registry I have started on my sidebar--the Blogging Name Project--and state the new secondary blogging name you have either chosen for yourself OR that you asked others to choose for you in a post you place close to the two year mark.

My 2 year blogaversary was June 12. I can hardly believe it’s been 2 years that I have been writing here. I also can’t believe that in that time I was able to conceive and give birth. I am truly blesses. Also, I realized, June 12 of last year marked the first day of my period of the cycle I conceived. Freaky? Yah.

I feel it is important to commorate this. As I roll into my third year of blogging I realize so much has changed around here. I think it would be so, umm, nifty to mark this transition by choosing a secondary blogging name. And that's where you guys come in.

Suggestions? How 'bout I help you help me. You've been reading for a while (some of you from the beginning: Erin, you commented on my very first post!), what words do you think fit me? You know, ones that will be great to mark the past and the future?

Let's come up with something good. Ok- go!

Wednesday, June 18, 2008


And then I don't write about it.
Maybe if I didn't wait so long to post it would be easier...


I DID write an almost-complete post about how Sacha has stopped napping. But as I was writing it he decided to take a mega-long nap. Since then he had been mostly alright about the napping. It's really just a matter of us (as in me and Sacha) figuring out what works for him.


I have been told time and time again over the past 11 weeks what an "easy" baby Sacha is. I don't have much experience with babies, so I can't really compare. But he's generally happy, eats well, sleeps well, and likes people. I count myself as very very lucky. (Really, I do count it as luck. At this point in his life it's about his disposition, not about my parenting!) I am thankful everyday for my little boy.


The little boy, however, is not so little. We went to the doctor yesterday. Sacha weighs 14.5 pounds. That is almost double his birth weight of 7lb 7oz, and more than double his NICU admission weight of 6lb 7oz. He is 25in long. I have packed away all his 0-3 months clothes, and he fits quite well into all the 3-6 month stuff. It is so hard to believe how fast this kid is growing!!

I was a little sad packing up Sacha's first clothes. These were all the items I purchased over a number of months before he was born. I selected each piece with such love, marveling at how tiny they were, thinking about the little boy I would give birth to. Each one was a "favorite", and Sacha looked so yummy in them all.

I was also sad because at the same time I found myself thinking: we'll save them for our next child and what if there isn't another child to wear these...


I try to savour every moment just in case. Every smile, giggle, pout.


Still the post about my husband is brewing in my head. I compose it over and over. It's just so complicated. I love him. He loves me. We both love the baby. But it's been so rocky for so many weeks now. It's not about how good a father he is. I knew he would always be wonderful in this respect, which is one of the reasons that I wanted so badly to have a family with him. As a matter of fact he has so far exceeded any expectation that sometimes I get teary just watching him with Sacha.

Of course I knew that our relationship would change after the baby was born. Is there any out there that doesn't? We aren't just "us" anymore. But it's more than that... My entire life pretty much revolves around caring for Sacha. And it's hard, it's draining. And in so many ways The C just doesn't understand what it takes on a day to day basis. He doesn't get it, and it makes me feel that he doesn't get me anymore.

I do have to admit, though, that after taking a week off of work to spend with the baby last week, perhaps he has begun to see what is involved with looking after an almost-three-month-old. I see that he is trying harder to be who I need him to be, not just for the baby, but for me. I hope this is a sign of things getting easier on our relationship.


Just one more thing on the subject of husbands. What is it with them and sex? Why can't they understand that now is just not a good time? Believe you me, this does not mean that we have not, umm, done it since the baby was born. In fact, in my opinion, we have had more sex then I ever would have imagined possible! Buy, why, why, is that still not enough??!!


End of rambling.

Thursday, June 05, 2008


My boy, he is getting FAT. He likes to eat. I guess my breastmilk is doing him good.

Speaking of breasts...

I promised that I would not write another post about my boobs. The problem with that is that it lead me to not post for, like, two weeks. I feel like I left you guys hanging!

Long story short: I am no longer sweating a lot during the night. My supply seems to have regulated. I am wearing a bra at night, with just one set of pads. I do not love wearing the bra (and have tried a few different types), but at least I am not leaking everywhere. This means I have been able to eliminate sleeping on the waterproof pad. Thank the LORD. I feel SO MUCH better.

All thanks to you guys. It really is marvelous to have such a community to turn to. There really are no words to express how grateful I am. I only hope that I can pay it forward.


I also still am sorting out my thoughts about how the baby is affecting my relationship with my husband. There just is so much to write about. Some days I can't believe I have such a gem of a man as the father of our baby. Other days I am just so mad. There is so much that he just doesn't get.

Hopefully I can write about it soon...