Wednesday, June 18, 2008

I KEEP SAYING THERE IS SO MUCH TO WRITE ABOUT

And then I don't write about it.
Maybe if I didn't wait so long to post it would be easier...

***

I DID write an almost-complete post about how Sacha has stopped napping. But as I was writing it he decided to take a mega-long nap. Since then he had been mostly alright about the napping. It's really just a matter of us (as in me and Sacha) figuring out what works for him.

***

I have been told time and time again over the past 11 weeks what an "easy" baby Sacha is. I don't have much experience with babies, so I can't really compare. But he's generally happy, eats well, sleeps well, and likes people. I count myself as very very lucky. (Really, I do count it as luck. At this point in his life it's about his disposition, not about my parenting!) I am thankful everyday for my little boy.

***

The little boy, however, is not so little. We went to the doctor yesterday. Sacha weighs 14.5 pounds. That is almost double his birth weight of 7lb 7oz, and more than double his NICU admission weight of 6lb 7oz. He is 25in long. I have packed away all his 0-3 months clothes, and he fits quite well into all the 3-6 month stuff. It is so hard to believe how fast this kid is growing!!

I was a little sad packing up Sacha's first clothes. These were all the items I purchased over a number of months before he was born. I selected each piece with such love, marveling at how tiny they were, thinking about the little boy I would give birth to. Each one was a "favorite", and Sacha looked so yummy in them all.

I was also sad because at the same time I found myself thinking: we'll save them for our next child and what if there isn't another child to wear these...

***

I try to savour every moment just in case. Every smile, giggle, pout.

***

Still the post about my husband is brewing in my head. I compose it over and over. It's just so complicated. I love him. He loves me. We both love the baby. But it's been so rocky for so many weeks now. It's not about how good a father he is. I knew he would always be wonderful in this respect, which is one of the reasons that I wanted so badly to have a family with him. As a matter of fact he has so far exceeded any expectation that sometimes I get teary just watching him with Sacha.

Of course I knew that our relationship would change after the baby was born. Is there any out there that doesn't? We aren't just "us" anymore. But it's more than that... My entire life pretty much revolves around caring for Sacha. And it's hard, it's draining. And in so many ways The C just doesn't understand what it takes on a day to day basis. He doesn't get it, and it makes me feel that he doesn't get me anymore.

I do have to admit, though, that after taking a week off of work to spend with the baby last week, perhaps he has begun to see what is involved with looking after an almost-three-month-old. I see that he is trying harder to be who I need him to be, not just for the baby, but for me. I hope this is a sign of things getting easier on our relationship.

***

Just one more thing on the subject of husbands. What is it with them and sex? Why can't they understand that now is just not a good time? Believe you me, this does not mean that we have not, umm, done it since the baby was born. In fact, in my opinion, we have had more sex then I ever would have imagined possible! Buy, why, why, is that still not enough??!!

***

End of rambling.

13 comments:

Erin said...

The only time a man is not necessarily thinking about having more sex is when he's having sex. And men just don't get how "touched out" you can be by the end of the day when taking care of a baby. Or toddler. Or pre-schooler, for that matter.

Sacha is getting so big--grow baby, grow! It is sad to put away those clothes. I've lent out most of my baby/maternity things from when P was a baby and the things that were the hardest to lend were P's newborn (preemie-sized) clothes. I always assumed we'd have another chance to use them; to see them on another baby when we'd already been TTC over a year again made me so melancholy. It was hard. I hope that you do get to use them again.

sky girl said...

I found it hardest to pack away the 0-3 mo clothes. It gets easier after that.

As for sex... don't ask me. :)

Aurelia said...

This post could have been written by a lot of new moms.

Men just DON'T get it, and don't ever get it until they have to be the one who does it all for a few days.

give it time....and start pumping so you can do a weekend away and teach him a lesson. :)

Somewhat Ordinary said...

I can totally relate to the relationship thing-we've been going through something similar since our son made his appearance, too. Good luck!

Fertilized said...

I do hope that things between you and your husband are on the up! There is so much newness involved in this baby process that it really does get overwhelming too many times a day

Poltzie said...

The relationship post baby is hard, I feel the same way and my son is 8 weeks. My mom says this is totally normal and it will get back to it's old self and even better!
It's nice to know someone else feels the same way :)

Krista said...

Rick and I went through a real hard time after Caden was born. I bet Caden was well over 4 months before it got better. I couldn't describe it cohesively but suffice it to say that it took us a while to come together as parents and adjust to our new lives, no matter who much we yearned for and enjoyed them. I hope you see the turning point soon.

Em said...

Sex...what's that again??

f2 said...

I like auriela's comment... "start pumping".

We are due a girl's weekend this fall! That will give him some time alone with the little guy and you some time off : ) --- and a chance to get some bigger sized clothes at Target!

Daddy watch baby. Vegas here we come!

sariel & shlomit said...

thanks for the update, my friend....i check here often...
peace
shlomit

Amanda said...

I am still waiting for Brooklyn to be able to wear her 0-3 month clothes, and she is 3 months! It's amazing how differently all babies develop.

I totally, completely understand what you are saying about your husband. I'm in the same situation. They just don't understand. I think maybe they can't understand. I hope that you blog about it more often, because today you reminded me that I'm not the only one dealing with this.

decemberbaby said...

They don't get it. They just don't. That's why I've been known to document my entire day and email it to Mr. December. Then he's like, wow... I had no idea why you can't get anything done.

And weekends help, where he can see how much of my time and attention goes to Kali - and how much his own schedule is disrupted by baby stuff.

Hang in there. Nobody really wants to tell you how hard the whole baby thing is. It's wonderful, we wanted it, but it's fucking hard. And some days I want to know where the HR department is, because I totally want to call in sick even if I'm not.

So to summarize... it's really hard, men just don't fully get it, and you'll get through it. We all will.

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