Tuesday, December 19, 2006

LESS DILIGENT THAN I THOUGHT I WOULD BE

I thought I would be post more during my 2ww. I know I promised a 5 things about me list and Mel's list for 2007. The truth is that I suck. Not alot, but just a bit. I want to get to it, but... Well no excuse, really.

I have been trying so hard to keep myself busy the past 10 days (today being 10dpo thankyouverymuch) . Busy so that I keep myself from counting the second til i can POAS. I have been running through my list a lightning speed (most of the items, and a whole lot more!). I have also found that staying away from the internet actually helps me to not dwell on the ifs ands and buts about the 2ww. I am really trying to just stay sane. And fuck. IT.IS.HARD.

For those of you who have come hither in search of a 2ww update, here ye go:
1. Last week had twinges in ovary/uterus that were definately not from ovulation.
2. This week: not so much.
3. Boobs have been sore all week.
4. My face has broken out like a mad woman this week. Since going off the pill it has been pretty bad (PCOS symp.tom), but this cycle it cleared up reral nice with all the hormones. Now: back to zitty self. is this a good thing? A bad thing? An inconsequential thing?
5. For those of you who have inquired: I'm not on progesterone. Only taking my Met, and vitamins.
6. Emotionally I am up and down. Sometimes I think: wow, this can be it. Other times I'm all: who am I to think that this can work. The rest of the time I've been baking cookies.
7. Had one meltdown on Sunday night while feeling a whole lot less than support from my wonderful (read: doesn't know what I need in terms of support) husband. I really don't know what to say to him. I feel like he is the only person I can truly talk to who should feel the same stress about the 2ww that I feel, becasue well, this is his baby (or not) too. The truth is he spends his time thinking: if this doesn't work then, oh well, we move on. While I spend my time thinking: if this doesn't work then my heart and soul are going to be completely ripped to shreds.

Am I feeling things that are any different than any of us on the 2ww? I think not.

Happy Chanukah to all of you. May you have much joy and warmth in your homes this holiday. My hope is that we are all blessed with the miracles we long for.

6 comments:

Debbie said...

I am sending you good luck. I am in the 2ww as well. You're husband sounds exactly like mine, he is absolutely wonderful but he is definitely not going through the same feelings as I am.

The worst about the 2ww this time is the holiday parties, and not being able to drink when I see ANOTHER pregnant friend.

Stay Strong, you can finish out. I have another week and a half to go....

Mary Ellen and Steve said...

Hang in there. The 2ww sucks. Thinking of you.

decemberbaby said...

I know what you mean about the husband being willing to move on if bfn, and you feeling like you'll be ripped to shreds. The 2ww is way more stressful than I could have imagined.

I'm crossing all available appendages.

My Reality said...

I am hoping that this cycle does it for you. I hope you are having a nice Chanukah and I would really love to meet you when you are in town!

Take Care and try not to let the 2ww get to you. I know, easier said than done!

Erin said...

Happy Hanukkah to you also! I hope for your 2WW to be the only one you have to experience for a long time, because it is a complete mindfuck.

Anonymous said...

I just read your blog, and I wanted to wish you luck as well. I am also in the tww after a first attempt at IUI. I just started reading blogs on these issues, and wanted to say thanks.
happy hannukah