Friday, July 28, 2006

I KNOW YOU'RE ALL WONDERING HOW IT WENT

I won't keep you insuspense any longer. Here is the down and dirty on the semen deposit.
The C rushed home after work to change, and we headed out to the lab. Upon walking in, it looked like a pretty nice joint. It was in abuilding that was formerly a bank, so that was pretty bizarre. It wasn't busy, there was just one other couple there, and a little boy who was running around being silly and cute. We checked in with the receptionist, which was a somewhat long process, for reasons unknown. Due to this long registration time, the line behind us grew. One person, another person, yet another. We were already told that we would be provided with the facilities of the "public washroom", so all the people around were making me a bit nervous.
At last The C was handed a receptable and pointed toward the bathroom. THE BATHROOM WHICH WAS IN THE WAITING ROOM. As in you walk out and you are looking at all the people in the waiting room. Well, The C didn't hear where the receptionist said to go, so I repeated "to the washroom right behind us" maybe a little too loud. I think this embarassed him a bit (duh!) so he just turned and headed straight there. At which point the recptionist wispered to me (thank goodness she had the decorum to wisper!): "Sometimes couple wait till the waiting room clears out, and then go in together..."
But The C, he was already at the door to the washroom! What was I to do? I ran after the man! We closed the door behind us and broke out into a fit of giggles. Here we were in a bathroom smack dab in the middle of a waiting room, and he is supposed to get it on like this? The room was small, clean, without "paraphernalia", and worst of all: freezing cold. "Holy shit!" exclaimed The C, "It's fucking cold in here!" Again, giggles. Anyways we set about doing what had to be done. I don't know how long it took, but it felt like it was NEVER going to happen.
When it seemed like it was just about to, The C called for the container. Into which he deposited, oh, about two thirds of a sample. The rest landed in drops on the floor. The two of us were in hysterics. The C turned to the sink to wash up, and we discovered that the sink did not work. Ok, mildly gross. We could have been pointed to the other washroom, the one where the was undoubtedly a WORKING FAUCET! But no. We wiped up the best we could, drew in a deep breath and faced the issue of leaving this centrally located room together. Open door, walk directly to receptionist to hand in our homework, and boot it outta there.
Two steps out the door: "I think we were loud," said he.
This was not one of our most intimate sexual encounters, but perhaps one of the funniest. I just hope that the results give us something to smile about...

17 comments:

Krista said...

That's hilarious. Glad you got through it and managed to "get her done" in difficult circumstances.

Jennie said...

I'm glad you were able to deal with that with laughter. You should be very proud of him, if I were a guy I don't know if I could have done that there. Luckily guys are wired differently than us and they can "get in the mood" almost anywhere.

You would think an office would make some kind of better provisions for that.

My Reality said...

It seems like you made the best of a bad situation! I hope the results come back ok. I am glad you both laughed about things, I wonder if the people in the waiting room did too!

Ellen K. said...

Sorry it was such a frustrating experience -- it's an embarrassing situation in itself and many doctors' offices seem to only worsen it by not being prepared or by being insensitive. Don't worry about missing the cup or not having enough; normal volume is 2 mL. Good luck with the results, and I hope your husband won't have to repeat this experience too often in the future!

TeamWinks said...

You know, if you take a couple of steps back from our madness and roller coaster emotions...that story is hilarious! How close you two must have been, partners in crime!

Mary Ellen and Steve said...

I am glad that everything went okay. I hope that the test comes back with good news.

SaraS-P said...

Well, you can now say you've fooled around in an "exotic" location!

~r said...

.. and some day when all the other moms are saying "I went through 18 hours of labor for you..", you can regale your future child with "We went through a freezing near-public semen analysis for you".

Well, ok, maybe that's not the kind of thing you can share with your child, but it's still a damn funny story.

Good luck with the results!

Nico said...

Oh, C, that IS funny. Although I really can't believe the clinic doesn't have any better facilities than that. Shocking. My DH also had some problems getting the deposit into the cup - it's not as easy as it sounds at first!

StellaNova said...

That is too funny! There are few enough of those moments with If sometimes. Thanks for sharing.

Erin said...

*snort* Thanks for the laugh, and glad that it went OK!

Meg said...

Ms C - Sound like a wacky moment! Thanks for giving me a laugh. :) Let us know how you go.

Oh, and missing the cup can make a significant difference if it was the first bit, as most of the sperm come out in first couple of spurts - TMI?? Keep it in mind anyway. Sorry to be a pain!)

Angie said...

Sorry you had such a frustrating experience. I hope you get good news back!

Hopeful Mother said...

How awkward indeed!

These are the experiences in IF that grow us closer together as a couple. Funny too!

Ella said...

It's laughter at these absurd moements that keeps us all sane. My hubby jokes that someone should make a movie from the guys persepctive on IF...these types of scenes alone would be well worth the comedy. I think every guy who has been down this road can relate. I hope this works out for you.

GZ said...

Thanks for the laugh. I don't think my husband would have had the same sense of humor. Good luck dear!

Just another Jenny said...

Very funny! Once you get to the clinic, there should be some nice girly magazine's and hand santizer.