I stole a bit from Flygirl's comment there. That is the "it will kill me" part.
Consider this post a suite to my previous one.
My wonderful friend, and I were having dinner last night. We got onto the topic of friends of her's that are ready to have a baby. They are two awesome women who are going to be great moms. My friened mentioned that they were doing IUI*, and I didn't want to be nosy and ask any specifics (have they tried yet? do they have a clinic? What is their protocol?).
And I also thought: If they get pregnant before me then I will just DIE.
Yikes.
Thanks for telling me that I am normal, people. But I feel so mean. I know so many people who have gotten "oops!" pregnant (never mind those that conceived in the first month of "trying"), that the inability for me to conceive is so much more apparent to me.
Fuck.
*Acutally she referred to it as "the turkey baster route"... to which I advised her that she not call "it" that when speaking to them.
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7 comments:
At my brothers wedding I kept thinking "If they have a baby before me I will die". I don't think it is ever easy.
Whenever I hear of someone who's trying, I have to squish the little voice that says "there's another couple who will give birth before I conceive".
I am of the opinion that it is not normal to survive with no bitterness. I've heard of infertiles who aren't bitter, but I'm pretty sure they're urban legends.
Yup, I feel the same way.
Last night it occurred to me that my SIL could call at any moment saying "we're pregnant again." My niece is 2 years old and born at about the time we decided to start trying...
all of this just plain sucks.
:(
It sucks just so much- the amount of people who have had kids, and gone one to have another- since we started ttc is just mind boggling.
And devastating. I love these people but I hate them a bit too.
Thanks for visiting my blog! I can completely relate to this and the last post. I exist in a state of paranoia where everyone is perpetually pregnant, or about to be. (I can feel the blood vessels in my neck starting to pop, just thinking about certain friends who are TTC later this year. Damn, now I need to do another relaxation CD.)
Some days it feels like everyone I know has a baby but me. We actually counted out our friends who have kids and those who don't to make sure we were not crazy. We aren't. You aren't. I can't imagine that anyone would who goes through the stuff we have experienced could come out on the other side and not have some little part of it still with them- this leaves a scar. It really does.
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