Monday, July 24, 2006

MY RETURN

So… I’m still waiting for my period…
If I followed the previously known pattern, it should be arriving tomorrow. Formerly we worked like this: 5 days Provera, and then period five days later. I don’t feel anything going on down there. No cigar, people. Nada. So very frustrating.
I am off on vacation (without the one who holds the sperm) on August 19, and I am really hoping to get some down and dirty action before then. But at this rate: who can tell?

In the meantime I thought I would amuse and confuse you with tales of my brief sojourn in Toronto.
It is no secret that news that you can’t deal well with comes in threes. It always does. Without fail. Let me tell you about a woman I work out with. Her son and daughter-in-law have two boys. On Monday I was informed about the third. Let me also notify you of a daughter of a friend of the family. Married for a year… and happily expanding the family.
At last let’s discuss my wonderful friend whom I visited in the days past. We reveled at the fact that it was practically 20 years ago to the day that we met. We have been through tons together. She comforted me one night when a boyfriend dumped me because I wouldn’t sleep with him. I was her maid of honour at her wedding. And so on. My friend and I climbed into her car on Thursday morning to run some errands in preparation for her beautiful daughter’s second birthday party. We turned left off her street and then right onto the main road. “Before we go shopping” she said, “I have an appointment downtown.” I looked at her quizzically. She continued: “For an ultrasound.” Given the way my week was going I really should have seen it coming. (Three’s a charm!) I was shocked, elated, mad, and excited all at once. My friend told me that she had not told anyone yet, including the parents, but when I told her I was coming she was so excited to tell me and to have me join her at her appointment. Sweet and touching-yes. Incredibly painful-only you guys can imagine.
All through the drive I just kept asking her questions. I was so afraid that if I stopped to really think about it, I would have a complete meltdown. I commend myself on my composure while in the waiting room. I play a daily game I call “How many pregnant women today?” Well this day won hands down. Pregnant bellies here, there, everywhere. It really was a whole lot of too much. As the waiting room cleared out (we were approaching the lunch hour,) my friend inquired about our efforts. Back when we visited in January I told her a bit about not ovulating, and how it was certainly not going to be easy for us. So I provided her with an update, and our rough game plan. For someone sitting there pregnant, a baby who we were both moments away from seeing, she was incredibly understanding and empathetic. It felt good to talk to her. She told me that thought obviously she couldn’t possibly know what I’m going through (duh!) she is here for me, and we can always talk. I appreciated that so so much. Like any other pains that we have seen each other through, she is here for me. Really a true friend.
I bet you’re all wondering about the ultrasound…
It was pretty darn close to the most incredible experience ever. I teared up, she teared up, and she told me how happy she was that I was there with her. I was the first person to see her baby! Amazing. Near the end I looked at the technician and exclaimed “oh my god he’s moving!” Wow. Later my friend remarked: “It’s funny you said he when you referred to the baby. I totally have a feeling it’s a boy.”

What doesn’t kill us will only make us stronger.

11 comments:

Ellen K. said...

Wow, you're a good friend, to allow yours to take you to an impromptu ultrasound. I don't think I could have done that!

~r said...

Oh you are definitely a true friend. No pregnancy warning and an ultrasound? I'd have been a sniveling bowl of mush half-way there.

Jennie said...

Oh my gosh, you have really showed your strength. I don't know if I could have handled being hijacked and brought to a ultrasound. It shows what a good friendship that you have to survive that. You handled it so well and turned it into a good experience, give yourself a lot of credit for that.

What a day of mixed emotions. You must be so emotionally exhausted after that trip.

Lut C. said...

And at no time did you start banging your head monotonously against a wall?
I'm very, very impressed that you not only survived that day, but coped well.

My Reality said...

You are a true friend and a very strong woman to have gotten through all of that. I don;t think I could have done it. Hopefully, your period shows up soon.

Mary Ellen and Steve said...

Oh wow! You are a great friend. I am amazed at how you were able to keep your composure. I would have lost it. Your friend is lucky to have you.

Angie said...

What a good friend you are! I have been on that end too. My friend's a fertile Myrtle, and wasn't allowed to drive during her pregnancy, so I got to go with her a lot. It was such a wonderful experience, but I'll admit that it made me sad later.

You are really a great friend!

flygirl said...

oh my gosh. You should win a prize for having to go through that.

TeamWinks said...

I think everybody is right, you are an amazing friend. I would have melted into a thousand pieces on the floor. However, it was amazing of her to keep you informed first. You both are lucky.

VanillaDreams said...

Wow, you are amazing Ms.C!! There is NO WAY I would have been able to go to an ultrasound with someone, good friend or not! I really admire your strength with that.

I hope you get some good news soon, and that AF finally turns up for you! Speaking of which, did you end up taking prescription Provera, or did you just take a homeopathic remedy?

mandolyn said...

"Nice to meet you, Mrs. C" doesn't seem to cut it. I want to give you an e-hug. Or maybe an e-high five. Or both.

I've done my share of lurking through infertility blogs lately and for the most part have found myself nodding and agreeing. But yours...yours looks so damn familiar.

The Mr. and I have been TTC since August 2005, too. My ovarian cysts made their debut when I was about fourteen and I've hated my rollercoaster hormones ever since. I've driven several times down Provera Blvd. and Clomid Circle. (I'm thinking of just buying property there.) I finally did conceive in April using that little cocktail, but miscarried 8 wks later. Haven't had a period/ovulated since. I'm currently one day past my seventh Provera pill, hoping find "day one" soon...because "day one" is closer to "days five through nine" and "Honey, can you load the dishwasher? I'll feed the dog and then we can 'day twelve' before taking him on a walk."

Cheers, Mrs. C. You'll definitely be in my thoughts.