Wednesday, July 12, 2006

HOW DID THIS HAPPEN

A friend and I met for lunch the other day (my one friend who know about our infertility, but who recently I've found that I just can't share everything with.) We were walking down the street and discussing her going off the pill (not to get pregnant, but because she doesn't want to take the pill. She really is not in the market for a family at the moment.) We joked around about this a bit until the issue of her possibly getting pregnant by accident came up. To which I said with complete seriousness "Then I might kill you."
I instantly hated myself for saying something that was so selfish (ie: if you have a child before me that would make me want to commit murder), and that was the utter truth.
When did I become so bitter?

7 comments:

Thalia said...

You're not bitter, you're just expressing your feelings to a true friend. You didn't really mean it, but it's what you're feeling. Don't beat yourself up about it.

Meri-ann said...

Hmmm- bitter..... It just kind of creeps up on us, like Thalia said you're not bitter, but it's just how you truly feel

My Reality said...

I have a friend who just went off the pill, and I had pretty much the same thoughts! Don't hate yourself. I think a lot of us dealing with IF have felt this way. There is nothing worse than finding out someone got pregnant accidentally or in their first cycle. It doesn't seem fair that they didn't have to work so hard for it. You are not alone in your feelings!

Ella said...

Don't hate yourself for thinking that. We all do at times. I too feel bitter and feel I can only be happy right now for pregnant women who have gone through IF to get there. A true friend who can be sympathetic to what you are going through will understand and forgive.

Angie said...

If that's the worst you say through out all of this, she is lucky! I have turned into an ugly monster at times. I agree with everyone else, you're not bitter, that's just how you feel.

flygirl said...

My friend just got married a month ago and is starting to take prenatals and whatnot. First thought? She'd better not get pregnant before me.

Talk about selfish.

It's just that I know that it will kill me. These feelings are a symptom of what we've been going through.

Lut C. said...

It's tough, it just is.
Lately, I've been wishing I could just stop going to visit my in-laws, because it hurts so much to see the nephews, or even to hear about them.