Saturday, August 19, 2006


The time has finally arrived! I leave today!
Some of you (the ones paying attention, and the ones who don’t have a life,) may recall my mentioning that I was goin’ a cruisin’ with my mom. I discussed it way back here, when I was concerned with my 2ww falling during cruisetime. Well, that point is moot, as last week following the “terrorist plot” shit, my mom flat out refused to go and offered her prized spot on the ship to my very own husband! (The C is over at the other computer composing a thank you note to Osama.) My mom was nervous about flying in and out of Heathrow, and frankly so am I (a little bit…), but I am not letting any terrorist bastards control my life.
Wow, I just composed a “leaving on a jet plane” and “fuck the terrorists” post all in one. This is the end of my political message. Discussions of IF will resume now.
Right, so, cruise with The C! I was pleased as punch to be going with my mom (who doesn’t love a cruise in Europe?), but now-wowwee! We are going to have a blast, I’m certain. And I am not going to think about IF related stuff, I pledge this to myself and to my husband. Because I know this cycle is over and done with (otherwise known as a bust,) and I just want to have fun, and have sex without thinking about all the other stuff.
Today is CD26. I have taken my temp diligently all cycle. It is clear that I have not ovulated. I have also been playing close attention to my CM, and again, it is clear that I have not ovulated. I did purchase OPKs, but did not use them. I don’t know why, but now I am happy I didn’t “waste” them on another annovulatory cycle. When I return it will be CD40, and I will have to talk to my doctor to discuss the next step. I can’t wait for my next dose of Provera, and the chance to win 150mg of Clomid (which The C has nicknamed “the bitch drug”-nice.)
I think my doctor doesn’t know what to do with me (us). She is not an RE, and my appointment with the RE isn’t for another 2 months. At first we assumed our lack of conception was due to me not ovulating, but now we have possible MF thrown in. I spoke to her on Thursday (I had been trying to get in tough with her for the last week and a half), because when she gave us the semen analysis results of “20 million, that’s not so good”, I wanted to know more information. Now that she has finally gotten back to me, I have more bad news than I wanted (silly me, I was calling for reassurance!), because I now know that his motility and morphology suck too. Fuck, fuck, fuck. My doctor is on the prowl for the best IF urologist in the city. (You see, when I get to speak to her, I LOVE her.) I will receive his (or her) name on our return.
A little good news in all of this is that I pestered her for the result of my blood tests (she is prone to just saying “everything looks good”), and although they were done on CD 35, it’s true, they all seem good.
Another bit of shit that I had to deal with is my doctor’s telling me to call the clinic where we have the appointment in October. Apparently she had another patient who called the clinic and they told her that the RE isn’t seeing patients at that clinic anymore??!! She assured me that she’s not sure, but that I should call to confirm. OF COURSE I FORGOT, and now I am going away for two weeks! (My doctor also gave me the number of another clinic to call, and of course I also forgot to do that.) Again: fuck.
Breathe in breathe out, Ms. C. In, out. Ok… leaving all this behind for two weeks and going to have a good vacation. A normal vacation. (Pregnant women don’t go on cruises, do they?)


An aside: I ordered Taking Charge of Your Fertility and What to do When You Can’t Get Pregnant, and they arrived earlier in the week. Thank you to all who recommended the TCOYF purchase. I SEE WHAT YOU MEAN vis a vis the CM description! Complete with pictures! I am no longer confused about my CM! (In fact I am certain that I don’t have any. Thanks to my annovulation and to Clomid…) What is not so great about these books is that while my mom was over helping me pack yesterday she happened upon them (they were under a pile other books). “Do you have anything for me to read?” she inquired. “Oh, what’s this book?” she said as she got through the pile before I could stop the woman. NOT ANYTHING YOU WANT TO READ, MOTHER. I just kind of left it at that, and after about one second of uncomfortable silence we both moved on with our activities. She didn’t ask, and I didn’t volunteer (mostly because I am trying to stay calm these days and keep everything in perspective.) I guess the ice is broken, and when we come to having a bigger discussion. Which isn’t such a bad thing, is it?


Ok, really, I’m outta here. I will miss you all terribly, and look forward to coming back and catching up. For those of you in your 2ww, I am so hoping to find great news posted on my return!


My Reality said...

Have a fantastic time with the C! Enjoy your cruise and concentrate on having fun. You can worry about all the other shit when you are back. Have a blast!!

TeamWinks said...

A must read: Surviving Infertility by Elizabeth Swire Falkner. Amazing, absolutely amazing resource. I would call the center and check for cancellations every now and then or ask if they have a list for those who would step up on short notice for cancellations. You never know. Have fun!!!

Andrew said...

And what a great story to tell your child if they happen to be conceived on a cruise! Good luck!

To Love, Honor And Dismay

Meri-ann said...

I'm soooo jealous!! Have a blast!

Erin said...

Enjoy your cruise--how nice that you get to go with C now, though the circumstances could have been better. I agree with teamwinks about calling and seeing about any cancellations. As great as your dr is, she's not an RE and like you said, she doesn't quite know what to do with you. It would be great if you could get in before October.

Again, bon voyage! We'll miss you, but have a great time!

Erin said...

Oh, and I know it's a horribly stupidly old cliche, but P is a cruise baby (actually the day before, but close enough--we'd already started our vacation time). On a d33 ovulation. After 16 months. It's not impossible! But I recognize that for the asshat comment that it is, so I'll shut up now.

flygirl said...

Cruising! What a great way to get your mind off of things. I hope you have a grand ole time.

I have no CM to speak of either. Since the IUI worked right out of the gate, I'm now more convinced than ever that that was my problem no matter how much my RE brushed me off.

VanillaDreams said...

Ooh, have an awesome time on the cruise with your hubby!!!! :D Make sure you take lots of photos and post some on your blog when you come back!

There seems to be a ton of people in the 2WW right now -- I have my beta on August 21! Hopefully we'll all have good news!

All the best and have a fab time!

Angie said...

Have a WONDERFUL trip!

mandolyn said...

Have a great vacation!

GZ said...

Have so much fun!

I'm glad you found TCOYF, I feel like I learned a lot from it.

Jennie said...

Wow, it's Monday and you've already left and I didn't get a chance to wish you a great trip!

I hope you're having a wonderful time, sounds like a dream trip, a cruise to Europe with hubby. It sounds like after your last cycle it's something you need and deserve. So enjoy!!!!

P.S. I'm so glad you got TCOYF, I thought that was a great book, I got a lot out of it.

Hopeful Mother said...

Have a wonderful trip!

Thalia said...

I hope you had a wonderful trip.

Chelsie said...

Arrived here via the blogroll of a friend - no "advice," per say, just personal experience... but I had CM, it just never lined up with ovulation... so I order PreSeed (, which is one of the only proven sperm-friendly lubricants... did you know that KY is actually a mild spermicide? Who needs THAT when they're trying to get pregnant! :-) Anyway, though expensive, each batch of PreSeed is tested for sperm mobility... check out the website! It's amazing! And the best part is... I used it three times in one month and - we just found out days ago that it worked!

Just thought I'd pass along something I learned about to help with CM. :-) We ladies have to help each other out when we can! Best of luck, and happy cruising!

Mary Ellen and Steve said...

Have a wonderful trip!

Ella said...

I'm checknig in kinda late, but I hope you are enjoying the cruise. Hoping to hear good news from you when you get back.

sarielandshlomit said...

hey c!
hope you and the c-man are having a fabulous time cruising!!!!! what a gift from momma, eh? the book is great, though honestly it gave me cm-envy...sigh....when you come back, all refreshed, please HARASS...and i mean HARASS (emphasis on ASS) your clinic to get you in works! (i know you don't want to piss them off....but you can do it in a NICE!!!)...we are loving our fertility doc...all tests are back...we are okay...we have infertility with no known cause other than age (40!?!?!)...i feel okay but scared...we have started 'cycle monitoring'...more deets when you return if you want 'em....sending love and admiration from the big smoke!