BLOGGUS INTERRUPTUS

The time has finally arrived! I leave today!
Some of you (the ones paying attention, and the ones who don’t have a life,) may recall my mentioning that I was goin’ a cruisin’ with my mom. I discussed it way back here, when I was concerned with my 2ww falling during cruisetime. Well, that point is moot, as last week following the “terrorist plot” shit, my mom flat out refused to go and offered her prized spot on the ship to my very own husband! (The C is over at the other computer composing a thank you note to Osama.) My mom was nervous about flying in and out of Heathrow, and frankly so am I (a little bit…), but I am not letting any terrorist bastards control my life.
Wow, I just composed a “leaving on a jet plane” and “fuck the terrorists” post all in one. This is the end of my political message. Discussions of IF will resume now.
Right, so, cruise with The C! I was pleased as punch to be going with my mom (who doesn’t love a cruise in Europe?), but now-wowwee! We are going to have a blast, I’m certain. And I am not going to think about IF related stuff, I pledge this to myself and to my husband. Because I know this cycle is over and done with (otherwise known as a bust,) and I just want to have fun, and have sex without thinking about all the other stuff.
Today is CD26. I have taken my temp diligently all cycle. It is clear that I have not ovulated. I have also been playing close attention to my CM, and again, it is clear that I have not ovulated. I did purchase OPKs, but did not use them. I don’t know why, but now I am happy I didn’t “waste” them on another annovulatory cycle. When I return it will be CD40, and I will have to talk to my doctor to discuss the next step. I can’t wait for my next dose of Provera, and the chance to win 150mg of Clomid (which The C has nicknamed “the bitch drug”-nice.)
I think my doctor doesn’t know what to do with me (us). She is not an RE, and my appointment with the RE isn’t for another 2 months. At first we assumed our lack of conception was due to me not ovulating, but now we have possible MF thrown in. I spoke to her on Thursday (I had been trying to get in tough with her for the last week and a half), because when she gave us the semen analysis results of “20 million, that’s not so good”, I wanted to know more information. Now that she has finally gotten back to me, I have more bad news than I wanted (silly me, I was calling for reassurance!), because I now know that his motility and morphology suck too. Fuck, fuck, fuck. My doctor is on the prowl for the best IF urologist in the city. (You see, when I get to speak to her, I LOVE her.) I will receive his (or her) name on our return.
A little good news in all of this is that I pestered her for the result of my blood tests (she is prone to just saying “everything looks good”), and although they were done on CD 35, it’s true, they all seem good.
Another bit of shit that I had to deal with is my doctor’s telling me to call the clinic where we have the appointment in October. Apparently she had another patient who called the clinic and they told her that the RE isn’t seeing patients at that clinic anymore??!! She assured me that she’s not sure, but that I should call to confirm. OF COURSE I FORGOT, and now I am going away for two weeks! (My doctor also gave me the number of another clinic to call, and of course I also forgot to do that.) Again: fuck.
Breathe in breathe out, Ms. C. In, out. Ok… leaving all this behind for two weeks and going to have a good vacation. A normal vacation. (Pregnant women don’t go on cruises, do they?)

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An aside: I ordered Taking Charge of Your Fertility and What to do When You Can’t Get Pregnant, and they arrived earlier in the week. Thank you to all who recommended the TCOYF purchase. I SEE WHAT YOU MEAN vis a vis the CM description! Complete with pictures! I am no longer confused about my CM! (In fact I am certain that I don’t have any. Thanks to my annovulation and to Clomid…) What is not so great about these books is that while my mom was over helping me pack yesterday she happened upon them (they were under a pile other books). “Do you have anything for me to read?” she inquired. “Oh, what’s this book?” she said as she got through the pile before I could stop the woman. NOT ANYTHING YOU WANT TO READ, MOTHER. I just kind of left it at that, and after about one second of uncomfortable silence we both moved on with our activities. She didn’t ask, and I didn’t volunteer (mostly because I am trying to stay calm these days and keep everything in perspective.) I guess the ice is broken, and when we come to having a bigger discussion. Which isn’t such a bad thing, is it?

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Ok, really, I’m outta here. I will miss you all terribly, and look forward to coming back and catching up. For those of you in your 2ww, I am so hoping to find great news posted on my return!