Monday, August 07, 2006

ANYTHING TO GET THAT DEPRESSING POST OFF THE TOP OF THE PAGE

I mean, really.
I want to crawl into bed all over again when I read it. YIKES.
Your comments have heped me more than I will ever be able to express. To know that I am not alone, and that my freakish behaviour was normal (hah!) is why I decided to blog. It is my hope that I provide the same support for you ladies when you need it.

The good news is this, people:
I DID NOT crawl into bed after that post. I DID get dressed (YAY!) and walk to the grocery store to get Kraft Dinner. (If I had some KD in the house I doubt I would've gotten some clothes on my ass, but that is nto the point here.) I DID watch Days of our Lives, but in the basement, on the SOFA, not curled up snugly in my bed. AND THEN my friend called and I proceed to bitch and hang up on her not once, but twice. Wherein I burst into hysterics. Luckily she's a good friend and called me back saying "what the fuck", (becasue, like, really, on a normal day, what the fuck??!!) and I told her that I have so much shit going on, and really, this has nothing to do with her. Which is true. OH MAN, is it true.

The bad news is this, people:
My docotor called at about 5:15 that afternoon to give me the results of the semen analysis. For those of you playing along at home, this dr. is my gyn, not an RE. I do not have an appointment with the RE until the end of OCtober (an appointment that I made in APRIL.) She got straight to the point: "Your husband's sperm count is 20 million. Normal range is 60-150 million. And it is very viscose, which means thick." Me: "oh."
She proceed to yak and say things like "there are other things that we look for in analysis bla bla bla", referring to motility and morphology, but not actually SAYING those words. She was more or less treating me as a layperson, someone who is NOT obsessed with her fertility, and someone who obviously does not have a posse of wonderful women to rely on for support and wealth of information. However, before I could jump in and say "Dr, I know all about these things called motility and morphology," my mother walked into the house. My mother who does not know about out IF, and who has no problem listening to my conversations while on the phone, walked into my very old and not-at-all soundproof house. So that was the end of that conversation. I don't expect too much from my gyn, as I am well aware that she is not and RE. I know she is doing what she can for me (and us as a couple) seeing as our appointment with the RE is still two and a half months away. Before hanging up she was insistent that The C go for another analysis, and if the results are consistent, then she will send him off to a urologist. AND she did also say: "Ms. C, it doesn't mean you should stop trying this month! You never know!" Ummm, lady, I am not all hyped up on clomid for nothing! You bet your ass I am going to "keep trying," whateverthatmeans, thankyouverymuch.
There are a few issues here. The first being that my dr. didn't read my file before calling me, so she was not au courant on her own prescription of clomid, and my nonovulatory self. The second is that she was very vague when discussing the motility and morphology factors, and so I am still left not knowing what those are for The C. (Factors that I WILL call to find out about today. I will not get off the phone until she tell me something concrete. I am not an imbecile.) The third being that she flipantly told me to "keep trying", whithout regard that trying is almost of no use seeing as I probably won't ovulate anyways (and that my husbabd's sperm? they are not going to do the trick). And fifth, high holy shit, I just can't believe that both of us have problems that are contributing to our inability to conceive. (And I am not using the words high holy shit lightly.)
So, yah, my mother was over at my house when I received this news. And I had to act completely normal, when a little bit of me had just died inside. I am totally freaked out about this. My own issues? I am learning to deal with. Now with added low sperm count fun? HOW ARE WE EVER GOING TO DO THIS? The hilarity never seems to end.

***

I was pretty down Thursday evening, but The C, he was marvelous. He was so good to me. He took the attitude of "well there are still 20 million," and didn't seem all that phased. It was somewhat odd to me how calm he was.

Friday, miraculously, was a good day. And so was pretty much the rest of the weekend. The C's parents, sister, brother in law and two neices (10 and 13, not babies, thank god,) came to stay. We had fun. I was relatively well behaved, and only lost my cool when I was sititng having brunch looking directly at a woman to whom the waitress remarked: "We all think you look like the perfect pregnant woman." Dammit, I WANT TO BE THE PERFECT PREGNANT WOMAN!

Today is a new day. I will work, and then I will go work out like a good and normal girl. I promise that my NEXT post will not be full of anger, as I didn't seem to do it this time!

15 comments:

VanillaDreams said...

Awww, Ms. C -- THIS SUCKS!!! It was SO not the news I was hoping to hear for you. I hope you can get your husband to a specialist as soon as possible, so you can address this issue -- but your husband is great for being able to look at the "brighter" side of things and realize at least there are still sperm present! I know it sounds trite to say this, but it really, really could be worse. But, as I know now from reading Meg's story, you should probably go to a urologist right away, and start freezing sperm, just in case.

Sorry that your doctor doesn't read your file either before calling you!! At least I know I'm not alone in that regard! Geez, it is SO annoying though!

And don't worry about angry posts! This is YOUR blog, and with all the crap you are dealing with, you have a right to feel angry!!

Hoping things get better for you soon -- Oh, and some silly ass-vice for ya: for "trying" this month, I really would recommend you get "Pre-Seed" it's a special, pH-balanced lubricant specifically for trying to conceive. Since one of your husband's sperm problems seems to be viscosity, I think the Pre-Seed might actually help -- plus, since you are on Clomid and that can lead to extra dryness, the Pre-Seed will help the sperm swim up the vaginal canal and cervix, etc. I can buy Pre-Seed at my local fertility clinic -- so you may want to try calling your fertility clinics in Montreal.

You can also buy it online: http://www.preseed.com/

Wishing you all the best and hope things improve soon...

Hugs,
Nilla

Lut C. said...

That's an awful long wait you have to endure! The end is in sight, but I'm sure the last months are the hardest.

I'm sorry the SA results were disappointing. But they might fluctuate (let's hope for the better) and it is a number that gives you something to work with. Small mercies.

Erin said...

Oh no, I'm sorry to hear that Mr. C's counts weren't so good. I hope that a re-analysis is better, but I hate that you have to wait so long to see an actual RE. I know initial appts are hard to come by, but yours seems ridiculously forever away!

It's so hard hiding those feelings from other people. I remember when my mom announced that my stepcousin, who'd only been married a few months, was pregnant. It was about 2 months before I got pregnant with P and I'd just been diagnosed with PCOS. And I had to pretend that I was thrilled for her because no one had any idea that we'd been TTC for over a year already. It sucked.

Jennie said...

Oh, I'm so sorry for the bad news. That is so not fair.

I agree that your husband should just go to an urologist sooner than waiting for another test. They can do a second semen analysis there, and they can get your husband on the right kind of vitamins that he should be taking. Not from my own experience, but from reading alot sometimes a second analysis can show different results and vitamins can help too.

I hate when ob/gyns have such a lackadaisical attitude, it's so frustrating.

Angie said...

Man, this SUCKS! Sorry about the results! Thinking of you!

SaraS-P said...

Why don't docs read the chart before opening their mouths? As irritating as that call was, the sperm count may not be that bad. There are still sperm there, and I've heard that the count can vary substantially from day to day (you are probably way more learned in this area than me, though). Anyway, I hope things get better!

Hopeful Mother said...

I agree with the other ladies - absolutely go to the urologist to make sure there is nothing else going on with Mr. C.

Vitamins are also a good idea - a men's daily plus Vit E and A should be a good mix to keep the "boys" healthy and swimming well...

~r said...

Ahh... I know that wasn't the news you wanted to hear. I thought 20 million was low-normal, not bad, though. I'm with Mr C on this one, I guess - there's still 20 million.

My assvice: my original OB put us (both of us) on robitussin with the advice that it thinned out not only cervical fluid but also semen. I have no idea how true that is. She also said it wasn't fair to put me on it without putting the hub through the same pain. That part I knew was true, so he took it.

I hope you get all the other numbers soon - I know that's got to be making you crazy... and I definitely hope the next SA is better.

TeamWinks said...

All I can do is grumble and wrinkle my nose at just how unfair infertility can be. Damn it! Just remember you aren't alone, and we're all out here to listen and lend our support.

Meg said...

I know I come from a completely different perspective Ms C... but irregardless.. less than 20 million is considered low, so your hubby is really just at the low end of normal. So don't get too stressed about male factor just yet, unless it turns out the other values are dreadful. There are so many things that can be done about counts like this... really they can fluctuate and I hear herbs etc. can work wonders for a low-average count. Don't stres out yet... yu will most likely get the best case scenario. (I counteract you, you see).

flygirl said...

The morphology tests that they do on a standard seman analysis is no where near as accurate as the specialized one that you have to pay for. So maybe she was vague because the info was vague?

As for not ovulating, don't lose hope, doll. If Clomid doesn't do the trick then there are other options that you can try.

For what it's worth you've gotten waaaaay further with your doc than I did with mine. I had to wait to see an RE before Clomid or anything. It was frustrating.

Make The C drink lots of water and I've also heard that Selenium is worthwhile for the boys to take. Might be worth looking into.

I'm thinking about you.

Ellen K. said...

I also recommend going to a urologist for a second SA and more detailed work-up. My obgyn was not at all helpful when discussing the results of D.'s first SA... she kept saying "It's not you, so no more Clomid."

By WHO standards, 20 million is the low end of normal. That's not terrible. SAs can change from month to month, so don't put too much stock in the first SA results. Easier said than done, though...

ellie said...

Wow, kind of a crappy day- I am so sorry. Seems like everything is going a bit whacky for all of us this month huh? I hope the second test goes well- I am rooting for you both.

My Reality said...

Ummm, where did my comment go? I know I commented yesterday with a link I had for info on helping sperm counts. Ok, I will try to remember what I said yesterday.

First of all, I am sorry you got less than good news, but 20 million isn't terrible and you can still get pregnant naturally (I know, you have to ovulate, but you know what I mean.)

We have a male factor issues to deal with, and we saw one of the top 3 reproductive urologists in Canada. He was amazing. Not that he could do anything for us, but he gave us tons of info and kept checking on things. He said that there are lots of supplements that are recommended, but the 3 most imortant things are zinc, selenium and a really good multi vitamin.

The urology channel has lots of info on the different supplements.

http://www.urologychannel.com/maleinfertility/treatment_alternative.shtml

If The C would like to talk to another male to get perspective on this kind of stuff, my husband is more than willing to talk to him.

Hopefully, the next analysis will come back with a higher count.

My Reality said...

Ok, the link didn't come through in my comment. If you are interested, email me and I will send it to you.