Thursday, June 22, 2006


Right! Wanting a baby! A baby-woo hoo!
I am not a pessimistic person. I definitely think that the glass is half full. In fact when it comes to my life I dare say that the glass is pretty damn near full. In the past when it came to talking about having kids I always said "yes, I can't wait! But not now, one day...". There was always a reason for "not now": let's travel! renovate the house! And other things like: I'm not so patient, maybe I won't be a good mother. As I said, I'm not a pessimist, but a realist. And neurotic.
My husband, though, he got to me. "We've traveled," he said. And of course he reassured me that there was no doubt in his mind that I would be a terrific mother. A mother to our babies that we would have together. (Man, if you all could hear the big sigh that I made as I wrote that line...)
I had been worrying for years what would happen when I went off the pill. Me, the realist (not pessimist!): "Well, honey when I stop talking the pill, I don't think that I'm gonna get my period so easily..." Him, the eternal optimist (and typical misinformed man): "Oh darling, you're older now, you've probably grown out of the trouble with your period." Me: "Are you on Crack? A woman knows her body." And off the pill I went.
The last pill I took was on August 1, 2005. I was 30 years old.
I don't have to tell you how exhilarating it was to have sex for the first few weeks without birth control. OMG, we were making a baby! Ya right.
Like I said, a woman knows her body. My period didn't come in September, and it didn't come in October. In November I called my doctor and she prescribed Provera. I was humiliated that I had to have a blood test to make sure I wasn't pregnant first. I know you have to do that, but come on! A girl who doesn't ovulate can't get pregnant! Negative test, Start Provera.
I hadn't seen my period for 2 months, so I thought for sure I would bleed like a mad woman. Not so. My period was quite light. Heck, there was so little flow I was frightened to use a tampon. BUT, there was flow! We had period! Maybe I wasn't so broken.
December, January, February, March... I felt like knocking on my uterus and screaming "HELLO, WHAT'S GOING ON IN THERE?" My face was breaking out. I had the worst zits ever. (I still do, but as the moths are wearing on I'm learning not to look in the mirror and obsess about them too much.) And, of course I had the return of the facial hair. (Pretty, I know... but I am adept at using tweezers.) My husband kept saying: "Give it time, you will ovulate, you will get your period on your own." I knew something was up, but was scared to face it. I was reading infertility info and your blogs day in and day out. I was getting a glimpse of what was in store for us. Every day I thought: today I will call the doctor. And then I didn't.
I waited till my annual pap to broach the subject with my doctor again. We discussed how I didn't get my period again, how I wanted to get pregnant, and how I was getting very anxious. She sent me for the range of bloods, for a lovely ultrasound, and handed me the number for a fertility clinic to make an appointment.
Imagine my shock when the bloods all came back within normal range. Me! Normal! Hormones! This was a major surprise. The other surprise (though because of my history and my extensive research was not so major,) was the result of the ultrasound: polycystic ovaries. Of course this explains ALOT, but I still baffled that with the ovarian cyst that I had removed a number of years ago no one thought to periodically check on my ovaries. Also, I had been told that the removed cyst was a one time deal, and doesn't have any relationship to my current PCO. Well that's all in the past, and I will never know is this is a condition I have had for most of my life.
Oh and the fertility clinic? Earliest appointment? October 23rd.
I hate to leave you hanging, but I gotta go work out... check back for the exciting conclusion of Ms. C's story-to-date!


SK said...

I'm glad you chose to share this with me.

thank you

Krista said...

You're right - a woman knows. PCOS sucks but it is possible to treat and conceive. Can't wait to hear the rest of your story!

ChicagoGirl said...

Thanks for sharing. Knowing where you're coming from makes understanding where you're at now so much easier. I'm eagerly awaiting the rest of that story.

seattlegal said...

Yes, you're right - a woman knows when something's up. Thanks for sharing your story - I'm looking forward to reading more about you.

And thanks for commenting on my blog. I truly appreciate it.

GZ said...

Looking forward to more!

Lut C. said...

OCTOBER!!! My goodness that's a long time. No chance of seeing an OB/Gyn that treats PCOS?

I wish you lots of patience.

Nico said...

Hey Ms. C,

Welcome to the infertility blogosphere!

I don't often suggest products, but well, I'm going to! If you haven't already, check out Proactiv for the zit problem - it has worked absolute wonders for me. It's just a skin care system that has benzoyl peroxide in a low dose in both the face wash and moisturizer. Seems so simple, but like I said it works.

Off to read the rest of your story :-)