Saturday, June 17, 2006


Father's Day for us is not so much a holiday, but an excuse to gather the immediate family together. My mom and dad, my brother and his girls, my grandmother and grandfather. For seven months of last year my grandfather was in the hospital very close to death. His miraculous and full recovery makes every event that we share with him a complete blessing. And of course I always look forward to seeing my wonderful nieces who are 7 and 9. I wasn't thinking much about this being a day for fathers when my mom suggested lunch at our house.
I was running around with my mother picking up food for our lunch. Some stuff to throw on the grill, some salads, and dessert. We picked up three mini cakes that looked delish-one of each kind available. As we were carrying the stuff back to the car my mom noted: "one cake for each of the dads" (my dad, my grandfather and my brother.) Then she said: "I hope the C doesn't feel left out." To which I replied: "He's not a father, he doesn't get one."
I felt so instnatly sad and nauseous. I wish I was able to give him a baby so that he could celebrate this day too. A day that formerly meant not so much to me suddenly is causing me to feel like i have a giant boulder sitting on my chest.

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