ONE YEAR

Happy birthday my sweet, precious boy. Thank you for gving me the opportunity to be a mommy, to be your mommy. I love you with all my heart.

{Administrative note: you may have noticed that the colurs changed around here. Hope you like it. But, while making the changes it seems that my current blogroll got replaced with an old old version of itself. I am afraid that I won't recapture all your blogs. So... if you are reading and your blog isn't on my list (a list that will be rearranged into categories in the coming days), please, please leave me a comment so that I don't forget to include you! Thanks.}

THIS TIME LAST YEAR

365 days ago I was in the hospital. I was kind of in labour.

I told the nurse that this baby was going to be born by 11pm, the end of her shift.

HA! I had that much faith in my body.

Sacha was born on this nurse's shift... 24 hours later.

I can hardly believe that tomorrow it will be an entire year since I met my little prince.

Birthday post, pictures, and if you guys are really nice, maybe even the birth story, to come.

Happy 1st, my little pumpkin.

BITCHY POST

Quick and dirty.

I have an old friend. We don't live in the same city any more, so we aren't as good friends as we used to be. She got married last year a week after Sacha was born, and with him being in the NICU and all, I just did not have the energy to make it.

Who sees where this is going?

Right.

She emailed (in a group email) this morning: she's pregnant.

But wait.

My friend, she has a blog. And so she blogs. About her thoughts and stuff and things. You know, like us. Except not about infertility.

Except ya.

She's been trying for 2 months.

And this month, when she supposedly got her period (but her temp remained high) she went on and on and on and on about how she's infertile. I mean, she has to be. She didn't get pregnant on her second month of trying, right?

Ugh.

I hate this about myself that I feel this way. There is not even one shred of me that is happy for her. It's all annoyance. And so: I'm a bitch. No?

It also marks my 6th friend who will have a baby in the 2nd half of this year. I was holding it together pretty well until now. This seems to be the last straw.

You know. As usual, it's been too long.

I must thank thank thank you guys for your support on the previous post. Wow. Unfortunate as it is that we met because of the common bond of infertility, I feel so lucky to have you all in my life.

I would like to do something special to show how much I appreciate your friendship. I'm working on an idea.

The update on the sleep sitch is thus: still bad. But somedays if I complain about it, it just feels worse. So, you are forewarned taht I will probably blog about it again in the future. But really, enough for now.

So. Next topic.

I am interested in what you guys are feeding your ones these days.

Sacha is into the finger foods, and he loves spearing food with a fork and getting into his mouth. (I know! The kid has talent!) But he still likes his purees. I try out new foods all the time, and he always wants to try what is on our plates at dinner (or breakfast or lunch if I am eating them with him around.)

I would love to open up a discussion about food here. These are my questions. Let's have some coffee and talk!

• Anybody want to share good recipes for some older baby foods that they have had sucess with?
• What about spices?
• What are your menus like? What do you typically serve for breakfast/lunch/dinner?
• What is a typical schedule in terms of eating and drinking in a day?
• What about breastfeeding? How many times a day do you BF if you still are? And have you thought about weaning?
• What about formula/bottlefeeding?
• And cup usage?

Alright. The floor belongs to you. Anybody have food questions that you want to ask?

AGAIN ABOUT THE SLEEP

People. It's 1:21 am. I'm not lying about what I am about to write.

I have been up with Sacha for the past 2 hours. The last half hour the both of us have spent crying.

The previous hour and a half saw me holding my baby as he slept, and him waking and screaming the moment I put him down. The first holding and sleeping lasted an hour. He was out cold. And then he woke when he hit the mattress. Two more attempts and I lost it.

I sat in the rocking chair holding my baby on the verge of hysterics asking my almost 11 month old why he won't sleep. Of course he can't answer me.

And of course my husband finally got out of bed to help me.

I tried getting into bed, but I just lay there and cried. I couldn't sleep, so I figured I would use my time wisely and bang out something here.

Sacha seems to have stopped crying too. But I can hear my husband walking around with him. Who knows what will happen when he tries to put the baby back in his crib. Who knows. And who knows how many more times we will have to do this tonight.

I know this: Sacha has us wrapped around his finger. And our getting up to him every couple of hours and then subsequently holding him for hours on end is just reinforcing his waking. Compounded by the fact that I am now nursing him so much in middle of the night, I feel that we have embarked upon a never ending cycle.

I am at my wit's end. I am exhausted. I am sad. I dread getting into bed.

Worse yet is that it is wreaking havoc on my relationship with my husband.

You see. He thinks he's more entitled to sleep because he works all day. Just writing that makes me quake in anger. I think there might be steam coming out of my ears.

Just to remind you: for the past 5 years I have run a home-based business. Yes, things are slower now (I can choose how much work I take on; plus the economy is not doing me any favours), but the truth of the matter is that I never stopped working once Sacha was born. Essentially I never had a full maternity leave.

Oh ya. I also have this job called being a mother.

I love my husband dearly. But he just isn't getting it these days. And I don't know how to make him get it. He thinks that I should be able to nap twice a day like Sacha does. I guess he forgets that I need some time to work, clean up the house, prepare dinner, go grocery shopping, etc...

I can't go on like this.

I know something has to be done. About Sacha's sleep and about my relationship.

I don't want to start hating my husband over this. And more scary is that I don't want to start resenting my baby.

I really don't know what to do to break the cycle of crazy sleep that I know we created ourselves. (Well yes. I do know. And I know it will have to involve some level of crying it out. And it pained me to just write that.)

And I don't know what to do to end this competition that my husband and I seem to be having without end. The one where we are at each other about who works more/works harder/sleeps less/etc...

Please help. I thought having my baby would cure my tearful nights.

-------

A few notes:

1- I previously wrote about Sacha's nighttime routine here. It doesn't make sense to write it all out again. It has changed somewhat because the entire situation has escalated.

2-While I know some of you may have this suggestion on the tips of your tongues (you know, the one where I let my husband care for the baby alone for a day or 2), it still is not an option as Sacha is still breastfed, and he refuses to take a cup or a bottle. Indeed another post for another time. Yes, I need more help. But this is more pressing.

3- Ok. I am not that naive to think that having a baby would cure any problems. But sometimes I can't help thinking that yes, while I pretty much have everything that I have ever wanted, I have next to never felt so shitty.

POSTS A-BREWIN'

I love Shlomit, and I am still so so sad about her loss.
And I miss her terribly as a friend who lives close-by.

But that post sittling at the top of the blog made ever so sad everytime I came here.

I have a gazillion posts brewing, and hopefully I will get one published soon. Working at home and caring for this almost-toddler is really taking a toll on my blogging!

I just wanted to let you know that all is well here in our world. Sacha is wonderful, sweet, active and thriving. And I am still learning as we go.

Details coming soon.

SADNESS

There are no words. My heart is so heavy, and my eyes hurt from crying.
I just can't even begin to imagine how she feels.

My dear friend Shlomit has lost her baby.

I so wish that this was not happening.

DAY 12418

Or: The first day of my 35th year.

My answer to the question "What do you want for your birthday this year?" was an easy one.

Nothing.

I have everything I want.*

Sacha has decided on a name for me. It's been coming about for the last 2 weeks or so.

So when ge woke up at 4:45 this morning, and with a little wimper said "Ehhhoooo-mehhh"**, I pretty much felt on top of the world.

----
*I mean, other than a full night's sleep or a day off, but neither of those are a viable option at the moment.
** Say it out loud... it kinda sounds like mommy!

MAY YOUR DAYS BE MERRY AND BRIGHT

I wish you all the best this holiday season. I am thankful for all that I have, including this wonderful community.

I feel like I am the luckiest woman alive to have The C and my Sacha in my life.

Here we are celebrating Sacha's first Chanukah, The C's 11th and my 33rd.

Lighting the candles

Sacha playing with his present from Mommy and Papa

Sacha enjoying Mommy and Papa's presents

CATCH UP

Whenever I don't blog for long stretches I find it so hard to click that post button. There is always so much to say, and well, the longer I wait to write... You know how it is.

I am putting a top to it this moment. My husband is home with me, on his first day off in 68 days (working 90 hour weeks), our holiday menu is planned and shopped-for, Sacha is taking his afternoon nap, the snow is falling and the world looks beautiful. And I have a second to write.

All in all everything is spectacularly good. Every day, several times a day, I stop and take a moment to appreciate how blessed I am. Yes, I was so so fortunate to be able to conceive and carry my baby to term and have an uneventful labour. But this child that resulted? He is truly and completely amazing. Just writing that brings tears to my eyes. There really are no words to explain this feeling. My heart overflows when I look at him. I never knew it was possible to love one being so much. I wish there was some way to thank the universe for this opportunity to be with and be a mommy to my Sacha.

Ok, right. That was a little tangent. Not sure where it came from because I actually signed on to write about the one thing that is so not awesome right now. (Nobody's perfect, right?)

So.

Sleep. Or, shall I say, lack there of.

Allow me to take a moment to review. When Sacha was 3 weeks old he went down to sleep at about 9pm, and slept until 6 or 7am with one wake up for a feeding. We counted ourselves supremely lucky for this occurrence. We were even fortunate to have a few sleep-through-the-nights. At 4 months Sacha's napping started to get wonky. It seemed to me that he was up too much during the day, but his nights were still fine. At 5 months we went to Portugal for 2 weeks, so with the 5 hour time change all hell broke loose. Sleep was crazy through 10 days of those 2 weeks until Sacha adjusted, and about the same when we got home. We introduced solids around 6 months and i think this allowed us (finally!) to establish a good eating/nursing/napping routine. Until this time Sacha was going down at 7:30pm, still waking up his once in the night to nurse, and sleeping until at least 6am.

Perhaps it was a few weeks later that the nighttime sleep started to get crazy.

At first Sacha would cry about an hour after he went down. The C would go in a rock him gently and he would be back to sleep within a minute or so. This happened only every few nights so we didn't let it bother us.

Just before Sacha hit 8 months (I remember because the first real bad night was The C's birthday), he started waking up multiple times in the night. Anywhere from his usual once for feeding, plus the once about an hour after we put him down, and add to that maybe 1-2 more occasions. At first it wasn't hard- he settled right away (especially if I gave in a nursed him).

Then about 3 weeks ago things started to escalate. Sacha was sick, and so along with the multiple times in the night, Sacha started waking up for good at 5am. We thought it would all work itself out when he got better (which took about 2 weeks). But he's been well now for about a week, and it's only gotten worse.

And by worse I mean: Baby-waking-up-maybe-five-times-a-night-screaming-like-his-hand-has-been-chopped-off-and-refusing-to-settle-sometimes-even-for-more-than-two-hours-at-a-time.

Now I know. Beggars can't be choosers. Sacha really is most awesome in all other ways. So obviously something has to be an issue. But this?? It's just insane. We are not getting any sleep. And we are beside ourselves about what to do to help our little guy.

So, of course, I'm putting this out there so that you guys can help. Before you start in on the advice (which I want! which I anxiously await!), let me tell you what I have found concerning this sleep issue.

Apparently, according to Moxie, there is such thing as a nine month sleep regression. As we are upon nine months, I think this may be us. This regression is linked to major development that is going on right now, for example: crawling, standing, pulling up, cruising. Yup, that's us, alright. Add to these physical milestones some mental ones (which, by the way, completely blow me away, but i will talk about that when I write a nine month post about Sacha), and I think that we have development-induced sleep hell.

So while, YAY, this is all, supposedly, normal, I am totally feeling like: What the fuck can we do about this? Like what? Because, honestly, I can barely take another night of this. I have been driven to tears myself on several occasions. And also, man, the poor kid who spends hours screaming every night.

Alas, before you go dispensing advice/commiseration/hope, here is our sleeping situation. (You know, before someone writes something like: are you co-sleeping?)

• Sacha sleeps in his own room in a crib. It has been so since he was about 4 weeks old. So his sleeping arrangements have not changed
• The room is neither too hot nor too cold.
• I nurse Sacha to sleep at 7:30, give or take. We have never tried to not do this. I am open to suggestions on how to stop doing this, but I think that now is not going to be the time to implement them!
• I swaddle him (mostly to signal sleepy time), though he does take his arms out. It's an added layer of warmth, and he has never seemed to mind it.
• When he wakes up he is screaming bloody murder. No amount of patting, back rubbing or shushing will settle him. In fact, it seems like he doesn't seem to realize I've come into the room.
• So, we have to pick him up. And that doesn't even seem to settle him. Usually after The C tries unsuccessfully to get him to stop crying for half an hour I swoop in and nurse Sacha. Which does settle him for some time.
• Sometimes the nursing puts him to sleep, sometimes not. If so, then I find that I need to hold him for about an half hour more to prevent him from waking when I place him back in the crib. If nursing doesn't put him to sleep, we have reached a new level of hell because the screaming may start all over again.
• Yes, he is teething. This is his fourth tooth. I have to tell you that with the previous 3 I didn't even notice they were coming in. Also, it seems like it is taking more than a month for this tooth to come in. I swear I have been saying any day now for that long!
• No, it's not his diaper or a tag rubbing him or other such thing... we have looked into that.

Here's the most amazing thing, though: Sacha wakes up happy, cooing, playing and rested. He is most cheerful thought the entire day. Most people comment on how much he smiles and that he never cries. You would never know that this is a child that does not sleep at night. So that's great for him. But for us, I feel like we are fighting a loosing battle.

I just don't know what to do for my little baby. His screams pain me so much, but nothing seems to be wrong or fixable. I am also worried that we are in the process of creating bad, unbreakable habits. Eeeks.

And, finally, because you are always such good helpers, I am wondering a few things (and no! I have not asked enough of you already!):

1- Are we (me, Sacha and The C) alone in this? Are any of you experiencing the same thing?
2- Do you think that other people lie about how much their babies sleep?

I didn't ask for holiday gifts from you, so please consider your replies the biggest present you can give me this year. Many many thanks in advance, blogosphere.

THE LOWDOWN

1. We were feeling better.

2. And now we're all sick again. Even The C. It's horrible. Obviously not the most horrific thing that can happen to a family. But still.

3. Sacha has had a runny nose and a cough for what will be a week tomorrow. We steam, use saline drops and the dreaded nose bulb. The snot just keeps coming. Sacha has no fever, and is sleeping pretty well (aside from making a habit of getting up at 5am every morning), and is his happy playful self. So, while I am not that worried about him as his behaviours aren't altered, I am concerned that he isn't getting any better. I will call and make doctors' appointments for us both today. (And praise myself all the while for choosing the pediatrician that is in my family doctor's practice.)

4. The little guy turned 8 months. I can't believe how big he is and how much he can do. It is just awesome watching him absorb and learn. This subject, of course, deserves its own post. I hope I will get to it soon. As I type this the pumpkin is playing in my paper recycling bin in my office- his new favorite activity.

5. The nanny is working out wonderfully. It is such a relief. (Though she has been sick too!) I am trying to bring in some work, but with me being sick again it has be a bit hard.

6. I was cleaning up my files on the computer and found my birth story. I wrote it the day after we came home from the hospital, it's in point form, rough around the edges and not complete. Are you guys interested in reading it anyways? Let me know.

7. I am reading your blogs but don't always have the energy to comment. I'm sorry. I am here and support you all, I hope you know that.

HERE COMES TROUBLE!

Mommy, look how clever I am!

Note to self: Batten down the hatches.
But first: get well and deal with baby's top tooth coming in.

SICK

I am so sick. It is awful. I feel like I have been run over by a truck.

On the nanny front, she is awesome. I feel like she came into our lives at the exact right second. I don't know what I would do without her. Sacha loves her. She is great with him. It's all so good. I only have her 2 days a week, but I am going to see if she can come a third this week so that I can rest.

Not much else of not around here. Sacha still has his runny nose, but it isn't affecting his personality so I'm not worrying. Though there is no tooth in sight, just swollen gums!

I think I'll go make some tea.

Miserably yours,
Ms. C

YOU'RE HIRED!

Yes! We hired the nanny! I'm so freaking excited I just can't contain it! Big woot. Like: BIG. I'm so thrilled that she wanted to work with us. I really hope it all works well. She is coming tomorrow so that we can talk about details. Please, any suggestions of what I should show her and make sure of?

In other news, Sacha has a runny nose. He hasn't been sick before, so dealing with this is a new mothering thing for me. I think that it's just because he's teething (his top 2 gums seem very swollen) as he has no other cold symtoms. This morning he blew a snot bubble out of his nose. An amazing feat, I know. I'm going to mark it down in his baby book. Friday night and Saturday night Sacha was up 3-4 times during the night, either because he was in pain for his teeth or he couldn't breathe. Last night he woke up just his usual once. I had given him a homeopathis remedy for teething before he went to sleep so perhaps that is what made the difference. Anyone have suggestions (non medicinal) for dealing with a runny nose?

UNEXPECTED

So the other day I decided to hop onto craigslist and peruse the nanny listings. I had no idea what I'd find, but I needed to start my search for childcare somewhere.

If it is possible to fall in love with a craigslist posting, I have to say that I did. I emailed the nanny candidate immediately.

My husband and I just finished interviewing her, and I have to say that after spending an hour with her I LOVE her. Maybe even more than my husband. But certainly not Sacha.

I think we covered all the standard interviewing questions. She even met Sacha when he woke up from his nap and he smiled at her instantly. I just got this great feeling from her. She is supposed to email me her references later tonight, and I can't wait to contact them. I want her SO BAD. I totally have a nanny crush on her. My husband and I looked at each other when she left and we like: oh YA!

Here's the thing: how do I really make sure that she is the one? And also how do ensure that she chooses us over the other families that she is going to meet?

And, oh, another awesome thing about her: she's studying to be a doula- with the doula who assisted at our birth. How cool is that?

WORK

I just started composing a post about how bored I am. But it's whiny and complainy. So I will spare you.

The gist of it was about how I am about to come out of my "slow time" of work. And in order to work I need to find someone to take care of Sacha. The care would only have to be part-time (either half days or 2-3 full days a week), because I can get some work done with Sacha playing beside me on the floor, just not not all of it.

But I have some concerns about this. It's not so much about the person who will take care of him. I work from home, so I will be here most of the time.

It's the hows:

How am I going to find a caregiver? I have no idea how to go about doing this.

How are we going to work out breastfeeding? Sacha doesn't take a bottle, so it's only breast for him.

How is someone else going to put him for a nap? Sadly I still swaddle and rock him to sleep in my arms. No one else seems to be able to get him to sleep for naps. Either they don't swaddle right, don't rock right, don't hold him tight enough, or can't ride out his freak-out crying jag until he lulls himself to sleep. THIS for sure is a subject for another post.

How am I going to be able to concentrate when my sweet little one is giggling in the next room?

There are also some other hows that have to do with business logistics:

How will I be able to meet with clients who can't meet with me during the day? I used to book evening meetings but now I can't do that because 1-I'm too tired in the evening and 2-it coincides with Sacha's bedtime (I nurse him to sleep, see above re: subject for another post.)

How will I be able to set limits about making appointments on the weekends when I want to spend time with my family? (While Sunday would be an ideal time to book appointments because The C is home, it's not ideal because it's the only day off he has all week.)

How will I deal with the work that I will lose as a result of limiting my hours for meeting with clients? Will I even be able to get any business if I insist that clients take only day-time meetings?

So many questions.

It's true, I never really stopped working when Sacha was born. But I see this somewhat as a return to work, as I have been taking it really easy the past few months. If I want to make any money I really have to step up my work.

I keep wondering if it's worth it: to bring someone in to watch Sacha while I work knowing that much of what I make will go to paying this person.

I know the answer is yes. I was never cut out to be a stay at home mom. I am just not the type to be all baby all the time. The past seven months have been so hard on me. I have really felt unproductive and brain-dead. And bored and boring.

I know I want to do more than just mother Sacha. I work with people who are planning special events; most of my clients are brides. My work is my no means life-altering or earth-shattering. I am not in danger of not keeping up with the workforce in the line of work that I do. No one will miss me if I close up shop.

But I actually love (most of the time, I am not a freak here!!) what I do. I feel creative and successful. I like meeting with clients and the satisfaction of making a sale. I enjoy the challenge of running a business and making money.

My work is cyclical- I know it starts to get busier around now (following a trade show that I have this weekend), and really gets going in January. I have avoided thinking about this whole work thing for so many months. I knew this was coming.

When I was pregnant everyone always said to me: "It's going to be so great, you just can plop the baby down next to you and get your work done. You are so lucky to work from home." I was so naive to believe them!

So now I embark on my next phase of life: Working Mother.

POO-DATE

Not a date with poo. But an update of sorts on the poo-tuation.

Not an hour or so after I posted my previous post Sacha "did his business". Thank goodness. The next day I gave him some prunes to help him along. Again, poop.

But on Friday I was still concerned- he seemed gassy, hadn't pooped again (it was approaching 48 hours), and well, I was being neurotic. The doctor very nicely told me that I had nothing to worry about, Sacha seemed just fine, and even 3 days without a poop is fine. He said I should return to feeding solids to Sacha, that he should be getting 3 meals a day by now. He also told me that I could feed him prunes every day if I felt I needed to, but to back off if things seemed to be resolving.

Phew.

So, I continued the prunes and increased his food intake. And the little pooper pooped again on Sunday and Monday. So far no poop today, but I am trying not to be concerned. I stopped the prunes because they seemed to be making the baby a gassy little fellow.

So now I wait for the poop, and I try not to freak out.

But, seeing as I'm here, let's take a moment to look at solids. I have to tell you: MAN, this kid LOVES to eat! (Though he comes by it honestly, for his mommy and papa love food too.) Sacha basically will eat anything. I have moved away from rice cereal, and now give him barley, which he seems to like more than rice. He loves chicken (I made it myself), and so far he goes crazy for peas. Green beans and carrots are ok too! In fruit we have tried pears and prunes- I'm trying to stay light on the fruit as to not introduce too many sweet flavours before we get through more veggies.

This week I am thinking of introducing more green veggies (maybe avocado or zucchini), and perhaps another meat. I bought a jar of "beef, carrots, potatoes and peas", but it the idea seems a bit eww to me (the jar was only 79 cents, I figured I would go for it seeing as I was in the store...).

Have any of you tried a jarred combo like this? If not, do you puree your own meat? And final question: how much do you feed your baby at each meal, and when do you feed him breastmilk/formula? (If your baby is 7 months, that would be really helpful, or if you remember what you did when your baby was 7 months...)

Thanks a million gals. You are really the finest of the fine.

Just for kicks, here is Sacha enjoying some green beans. A friend of mine told me that babies with food all over them gross her out and she doesn't see why people think it's fun that parents show them to other people. Do you agree or disagree?

THIS MAY BE TOO MUCH INFORMATION, BUT...

So many times I have composed posts in my head and sadly, none of them have made it into the computer. I feel bad about this. I want to post, I want to chronicle what is going on in my life, and in Sacha's life (which mysteriously are pretty much one and the same these days.) And I wanted to tell you guys about the adventure of travelling with a wee one (that is the subject that "won"), but I never got there.

Time both moves so slowly and so quickly. Sacha will be 7 months old next week. And in 2 weeks I will be exhibiting at a trade show that will essentially launch me head-first back into the market for work full-er time.

But first things first... You know that if I am posting there must be a super-sonic reason, right? Ya, well. We have a problem.

Sacha hasn't pooped in 5 days. I need help.

Can we examine the situation in as brief a manner as possible? As an infant Sacha was a pooping super-star. When he reached a couple of months he was very regular- he pooped once a day and it was always in the morning. Then, almost 2 months ago we went to Portugal. And as soon as we arrived his regularity stopped. He popped maybe every second day, and some day not for 3 days. And the consistency changed. I wasn't that worried, for after all, who doesn't have bowel issues when travelling? I just attributed it to travel. And the fact that he was breastfed, and "they" say that breastfed babies may go up to 10 days without pooping. When we got home, though, this continued, but the ped told me not to be concerned. Also, Sacha didn't seem to struggle and he was still he happy self.

Then we introduced solids. We were ok for a bit (and Sacha loved eating real food, LOVED it!), until I started realizing that his pooping was increasingly infrequent. It became very thick and he seemed to be having some trouble. But he was still pooping every 2 days so I was trying to keep perspective.

A few days ago I was talking to my homeopath about something unrelated and decided just to seek her advice on this poo-tuation. She recommended that I stop all his solids and go back to just breast milk for a few days to reset his system. And then introduce fruits and veggies again, but no cereal. (I had already cut out cereal for 2 days as I was getting concerned). She also said that I should give him some water, but that is pretty much impossible as he doesn't take a bottle and has yet to master a sippy cup.

Yesterday I realized it had been 4 days. I have to honestly say that I have yet to have cause to worry about Sacha's health until now (save his jaundice in the first few days of his life.) I spent yesterday in an obsessive, diaper-checking panic. NO POO. Sacha's behaviour was definitely different. He was clingy and needy, and cried more than usual. And he really seemed to be struggling to push, especially when I was feeding him.

I put in another call to our homeopath. She recommended a remedy, and she also recommended that I stimulate his anus with a thermometer just in case he was a bit tight. (Has anyone heard of this? I hadn't but my good friend said he mom had done that.) I also bought some prunes, but have yet to use them.

Here we are, embarking on day 5 of no poop. Yesterdays' tricks did not work.

So I ask you: please help me.

What would you guys do? Should I feed him the prunes? What about suggestions for giving him water?

I just feel so helpless and lost. Mothering is so hard, I rarely know what to do. But I feel that now my baby really needs me. And I can't seem to help the poor little guy.

CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE

I chose mine.

It was 15 days in Portugal with my son and my husband. At my in-laws' house. By the beach. Where the weather was near-perfect. And the flights were fine.

So that's why I haven't been around for the past couple of weeks. I did miss you all terribly, please know that!

There is so much I could tell you about, but I thought I would let you choose. Below are a list of titles for posts. You can vote and I will write about the one that wins. How about that?

Here we go:

Dear Mother-in-law: No, the baby isn't cold or hungry, but can I please have him as he has to nap

Traveling fun: crossing 5 time zones with a 5 month old

Yes, I know my baby is fat, and yes, I do only give him breastmilk

Apparently babies' digestive systems go wonky when they travel too!

Sacha! Now with a tooth (this time for real.)

Oh why won't this baby sleep through the night?

Dear everyone in Portugal: please stop clapping and whistling and doing things that you would generally do to a cat or dog in order to get my baby's attention

Four people taking care of the baby sure makes for a relaxing-ish vacation

OMG-90210! (self-holding statement.)

Ok- go to it! And I'll tally the votes. It's good to be back, but it'll take some time to catch up on everyone, so please cut me some slack.

MONTH FIVE

Honestly, I don't know how we went from here:

To here:

In five months.

Time is unbelievable.

Sacha is just an amazing little being. There is so much for me to be thankful for. Even given all the sleep issues, I think that I am finally starting to get the hang of this parenting thing. Which, of course, means that tomorrow everything is bound to change.

I am trying not to think of that.

Instead, let's look at this month's accomplishments.

Moving: While I wouldn't say that he's crawling yet, he certainly is mobile. When he is on his tummy (which is almost always, as he rolls the minute I put him down on his back), he uses his arms to pivot his body. He can make full circles. And Sacha also "moves" by bringing his knees toward his chest so that his bum is high in the air, and then he launches himself forward.

Talking: I have no idea what he's saying (and it's certainly nothing near Mama or Papa), but Sacha is talking a blue streak. I can have full conversations with him.

Laughing: Sacha smiled and giggled at a very young age (probably at a little under one month). Previously he would giggle if I ticked him, but lately he will laugh if I make funny faces, or if I am laughing. He also has the smile that a friend refers to as "if I open my mouth any wider it will break". See photo above!

Gesturing: I'm not sure how, but my mother taught Sacha to raise his arms when he wants to be picked up from the crib. (He only does this in the crib, though.) It's pretty amusing to see. If I walk in while he is playing, he will drop a toy and hold his arms up to me.

Sitting: I don't even know when the transition from sitting propped to sitting alone occurred. One day I thought to myself: what if I left him to balance on his hands while he's sitting. Low and behold- he did not fall over! Sacha can sit holding on to the side of the crib and holding on to his playmat bars. He's getting pretty good at supporting himself with one hand, and shoving a toy in his moth with another. Today I put him on his knees, and he balanced for a good while before toppling over.

Playing: It's amazing- Sacha actually plays with his toys. He chooses a toy with purpose- sometimes he will turn his body just to get a specific toy. His aim is spot on, and he grabs with one hand, and brings his toy directly to his mouth. I find that I can leave him on his own for quite a long period of time and he is able to amuse himself. Sacha has also now perfected grabbing the animals hanging from his mobile-while it's moving. He holds on tight, and when I come in to his room and see him doing this he looks at me as if he's saying "look what I've done!".

More Playing: Sacha found his toes last week, and perhaps they are his favorite toy of the moment. He has figured out how to get them to his mouth, and yesterday I found him sucking quite intently on his big toe, as if it were a thumb. He also loves it when I play airplane with him high up in the air. He is starting to stretch his arms and legs out while flying. And he laughs wildly. And, like most babies, Sacha loves to dance. He loves Ra.ffi, and The Beatles, and James Taylor and even my humming of silly diddies. As long as he's bouncing to a beat he's smiling and laughing.

Growing: Last week I weighed Sacha on my brother's produce scale (he's a farmer). He weighed 18 pounds. He is headed in the direction of tripling his birth weight by six months. We have a doctor's appointment in 3.5 weeks (just shy of 6 months), so I will keep you posted. He is fat, that's for sure, but he's also tall. This week I started using size 2-3 diapers. The 2s just weren't cutting it anymore.

Personality: Like I've said: Sacha loves to laugh. And he is smiling almost all the time. He is just one happy baby. Hardly anything bothers him. If he's crying it's because something is drastically wrong. He rarely cries if he's hungry, or even when he's tired. He is sweet and calm and seemingly good-natured. He loves people and smiles at everyone. I know I am incredibly lucky in this aspect. I KNOW.

For the life of me I don't know what I did to deserve such an angel. I am truly blessed.