WORK

I just started composing a post about how bored I am. But it's whiny and complainy. So I will spare you.

The gist of it was about how I am about to come out of my "slow time" of work. And in order to work I need to find someone to take care of Sacha. The care would only have to be part-time (either half days or 2-3 full days a week), because I can get some work done with Sacha playing beside me on the floor, just not not all of it.

But I have some concerns about this. It's not so much about the person who will take care of him. I work from home, so I will be here most of the time.

It's the hows:

How am I going to find a caregiver? I have no idea how to go about doing this.

How are we going to work out breastfeeding? Sacha doesn't take a bottle, so it's only breast for him.

How is someone else going to put him for a nap? Sadly I still swaddle and rock him to sleep in my arms. No one else seems to be able to get him to sleep for naps. Either they don't swaddle right, don't rock right, don't hold him tight enough, or can't ride out his freak-out crying jag until he lulls himself to sleep. THIS for sure is a subject for another post.

How am I going to be able to concentrate when my sweet little one is giggling in the next room?

There are also some other hows that have to do with business logistics:

How will I be able to meet with clients who can't meet with me during the day? I used to book evening meetings but now I can't do that because 1-I'm too tired in the evening and 2-it coincides with Sacha's bedtime (I nurse him to sleep, see above re: subject for another post.)

How will I be able to set limits about making appointments on the weekends when I want to spend time with my family? (While Sunday would be an ideal time to book appointments because The C is home, it's not ideal because it's the only day off he has all week.)

How will I deal with the work that I will lose as a result of limiting my hours for meeting with clients? Will I even be able to get any business if I insist that clients take only day-time meetings?

So many questions.

It's true, I never really stopped working when Sacha was born. But I see this somewhat as a return to work, as I have been taking it really easy the past few months. If I want to make any money I really have to step up my work.

I keep wondering if it's worth it: to bring someone in to watch Sacha while I work knowing that much of what I make will go to paying this person.

I know the answer is yes. I was never cut out to be a stay at home mom. I am just not the type to be all baby all the time. The past seven months have been so hard on me. I have really felt unproductive and brain-dead. And bored and boring.

I know I want to do more than just mother Sacha. I work with people who are planning special events; most of my clients are brides. My work is my no means life-altering or earth-shattering. I am not in danger of not keeping up with the workforce in the line of work that I do. No one will miss me if I close up shop.

But I actually love (most of the time, I am not a freak here!!) what I do. I feel creative and successful. I like meeting with clients and the satisfaction of making a sale. I enjoy the challenge of running a business and making money.

My work is cyclical- I know it starts to get busier around now (following a trade show that I have this weekend), and really gets going in January. I have avoided thinking about this whole work thing for so many months. I knew this was coming.

When I was pregnant everyone always said to me: "It's going to be so great, you just can plop the baby down next to you and get your work done. You are so lucky to work from home." I was so naive to believe them!

So now I embark on my next phase of life: Working Mother.