STILL NO BABY

That's pretty much the subject line of every email I am writing these days lest the receiver think that it will actually contain the words "am in labour, on the way to hospital." Wishful thinking!!

If all went as my doctor wanted it to I would either presently be in labour or holding my son. I'm sitting in my office blogging, so neither of the above is currently true.

Monday's appointment and subsequent 24 hours were tough. For starters I waited 4 hours to see the doctor. Not pleasant on any occasion, but incredibly less so at 41 weeks with shooting pains in both my legs. I could neither sit or stand- it was horrible.

By the time I got in for my exam I felt worse than shit run over by a tractor trailer. My doctor could obviously see that. I had an internal to find that I was 1+cm dilated (not quite 2cm!). The doctor proclaimed that we needed a plan on how to proceed. She suggested I go in to the hospital Tuesday evening to have gel inserted to soften my cervix, and then come in Wednesday morning (when she would be at the hospital) for an induction. I was feeling hopeless and miserable, and so I agreed.

It turns out that knowing it was going to happen didn't make me feel any better, and on the car on the way home I snapped out of it and realized "this is not what I want!!" At home I spoke with my wonderful doula who promptly reminded me of this very important fact. The doula and I made an appointment to meet in the morning to discuss what I really wanted to do.

I woke up feeling like a new person. First thing in the morning I called the doctor's office and canceled the induction, but made an appointment for an NST and fluid check (I knew I had no choice in the matter... my doctor had already told me if I chose not to induce that day I would have to go for the tests. I was completely ok with that.)

I then met with my doula and we talked about what was going on. I came to the conclusion that I indeed did want to wait, that my body was doing something (I was after dilating, even if just a bit), and that perhaps the baby was just waiting for all the turmoil following the death of my grandfather in order to come into the world. (I know many of you won't prescribe to this, but I feel very strongly about messages from the body.)

I felt so much better and headed off to my NST (which would invariably tell us if it was at all medically necessary to get the baby out of me.) The NST was totally fine, and my fluid level was moderate. The doctor who did the fluid check said that moderate was ok, and that I could wait a couple of days and come back Friday for a further check (Provided I hadn't given birth!)

Great news in my books! I took the report and headed up the street to my doctor's office. What happened next is pretty much a blur, but let's just say that my doctor was not pleased with me wanting to wait until at least Friday until we looked into induction again. She basically was trying to have me have my baby on her schedule (as she is in the hospital today), and attempted to make me feel guilty by telling me that she has been in the hospital for the past three weekends so there was no way she would come in for me delivery. (For the record: I know how it works, and I never even expected that she would be there.) I was in tears because it seemed ridiculous to me that under no circumstances was she even taking into account what my wishes for birthing were!

Finally she relented (realizing, I hope, that she was being very mean to me!) and we settled on revisiting the issue following my fluid check on Friday.

So that's where we stand, my friends. I am only 6 days past my due date. Today I seem ok with this fact. Now that the shiva for my grandfather is over my head is much clearer. I was able to get a big chunk of work (that had been hanging over me for the week) completed. The nursery furniture is set to be delivered tomorrow morning. I have my first opportunity to relax. Let's hope the baby knows how to read the cues!