DOES MY TICKER REALLY SAY 38 WEEKS?

I mean, really! Sometimes I still think that pregnancy is what happens to other people. I am just so blessed to have gotten to this point.

This post is likely to be a smattering of a collection of things. Mostly because my brain can't hold a thought for longer than 30 seconds. But also because there is lots that I want to say.

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Last week The C and I went to the Portuguese consulate to straighten out some of his paperwork before the baby is born. (Part of it was about adding me as his wife legally in their documents. We have been married for 4.5 years and been working on this process for over 2 years. It's finally done- right in time.) Now all we have to do when the baby arrives is go in and sign some documents, and voila, he'll be Portuguese. The amazing thing about this is that the last time we were at the consulate was the very day we had the IUI.

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My OB appointment was uneventful this week. My doctor relented, and said that the ultrasound was not a necessity. Then she looked at me and said: "So I am making a note that you want as natural a birth as possible." I said "Wonderful, thank you." Of course she did add that you never know what can happen, yada yada, so I need to keep an open mind. I told her my mind is very open, that's why I want to try my all naturally before we introduce any intervention measures.

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To continue on that point, I want to thank you all for your comments and feedback on my previous post. Your support and suggestions are always welcome and appreciated. I do just want to reiterate that in choosing to pursue a natural approach to the birth I am not eschewing the idea of drugs all together. The thing with drugs ans other interventions is that we all know that they are available to us. This to me is not something that needed research and planning. I am well aware that if I scream epidural, one is likely to arrive pronto (unless it is the middle of the night wherein only one anestheologist is on duty for the entire hospital.) What I didn't know, and therefore had to take time and effort to search out, is if I didn't want to go that route, what preparations and support I would need to look for. And, I have also done some work thinking about what it will mean to me if I do have to let my ideas for a natural birth go.

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I had a pregnancy announcement this week. It bothered me way more than other announcement I have received in the past 5 months or so. This couple has not even been married for a year, and there is something about the woman (or I should say, girl- she is very immature) that I just don't like. I mean, that's not a reason for them not to have a child, but... I can't help but think that she got married and now is pregnant because that's "just the thing to do". I know this is irrational of me. Also, our kids will be the same age, and in the same grade at school, and I can't help but think that there will always be comparisons being made. I am not "friends" with them per se, but our parents are the best of friends (His mom is like an aunt to me, she knitted me the most beautiful baby blanket and hat. I will have to post it.) I know I'm being bitchy, but I can't seem to help it. Seeing that they are a couple who puts much emphasis on status and style (have to live in the right house in the right area and drive the right cars, etc...), The C made a very valid point: our baby was more expensive than theirs.

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I always knew my first born would be a boy. I am not making this up. I just had this intuition. This was confirmed at our 19w anatomy scan, and solidified with the amnio results. The problem was that we only were able to think of names for girls. With boys we continuously came up empty. It is Jewish custom to name a baby after a family member who has died, and The C and I wanted to honour his 2 grandfathers. So we have been looking at names with S and J, and follow the criteria that the name is not used by another family member. As of a few weeks ago I was pretty certain that we had decided on his first name with an S and middle name with J (followed by my family name-that I go by- as a 2nd middle name, and The C's family name as the baby's family name.) Then yesterday morning, as The C was getting dressed, he said: "I'm not so sure about the J name." OY VEY. I hope we are not back to square one, because it took as so long to settle on this pair of names! And I was starting to love it. But I don't want him to relent just because he wants to make me happy (and therefore not be happy with our choice for the rest of our son's life), yet, on the other hand, ummm, I do.

We also have to choose a Hebrew name for the baby. We were discussing it lightly last week and The C said what about "S-----". The C's grandfathers, not being Jewish, do not have Hebrew names that we could use, so our slate was pretty open. I did want the Hebrew name to start with S to kind of go with his English name, and plus, this name is just so lovely. The next day my great uncle died. While we weren't that close, The C really loved spending time with him at holiday dinners, and he was always an important uncle to my father. We decided that it would be wonderful to use his Hebrew name as the baby's middle name in Hebrew. The only weird part of this is that no one seems to know exactly what his name was! Even following the funeral yesterday my aunt admitted that the name that she gave the rabbi seemed like it was the right name, but she wasn't 100% sure! I don't know, this is so bizarre to me!! How could no one have a record of his name??!!

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While the baby could come at any time now, I figure we are looking at a week past my due date. I'm just not counting on this little one being on time. And certainly not early! Besides, as uncomfortable as I am (and, oh! I can go on and on about that, but I won't), I'm not so sure that I am ready to let him go. Without a doubt, I can't wait to meet him, to see his little nose and tiny fingers. But there is a part of me that has loved him so much from this vantage point- from his being a flickering speck on the sonogram screen to the bulbous movements that make my stomach lopsided- that I want to hold on to these moments forever. Once he is out in the world everything will be different. And I may never have the chance to experience this again.

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Also, mama has a lot of work to get done. So please, baby... not today!