PLIMBO

The white peach sangria: SO NOT worth it. After all this anticipation- IT WAN'T EVEN PEACH. I know- the disappointment that you guys must be feeling too!! I would much rather have been pregnant yesterday. More on that later.

Today is CD15. I don't know what possessed me (I am not into wasting money on HPTs) but we tested again this morning. It is confirmed. I am officially in PLIMBO (period limbo): the time between knowing it's a no-go and AF arriving. You have to forgive me, I can't for the life of me remeber who coined the term (if you know, please tell me so that I can give credit where credit is due.) I have stopped my progesterone and am simply waiting. So that, my friends is THAT.

So. The party. Friends of my parents (who are our age) showed up with their nearly-five-month old son. I hadn't met him until yesterday. He was so preciously delicious and well behaved. The parents were not at the party five minutes when I was handed the baby with a "you look like you want to hold him". (Did I really look like I wanted to hold him? I don't know?!! But there I was with baby in my arms.) And once I had him I did not want to let go. It was such an amazing feeling. Of course everyone at the party was having a field day with me walking around with the baby. Countless comments ensued: "It looks like it's time for you guys"; "You look so natural"; "I think you need to have one of your own"; and etcetera. I nodded politely and gave cute little smiles in response, but mostly wanted to scream: "Fuck you!" to them all.

But hell no, I was not letting go. Until I found my husband and handed Sir Delicious over to him. Man, was that a sight to behold. The baby got fidgety so The C handed the baby over to his mother (The C's mother, not the baby's mother.) The woman was in heaven! Bouncing the baby, talking to him in Portuguese, smiling and laughing. She was having a ball. And my heart was breaking.

Finally last night when we got into bed I shared with The C how wonderful it was to see his mother with the baby. (I had actually never seen her with a baby in all these years!) I have always had a small worry in the back of my mind about how it would "work" with my inlaws when The C and I had children. They don't speak much English, and I don't speak much Portuguese, so I was worried about how our children would have a relationship with them (if my husband did not make a conscious effort to teach them his language). Let me tell you that after seeing my mother-in-law with the baby yesterday, all those fears are gone. I know she is a wonderful grandmother (to The C's neices), but I am certain that even though there may be a laguage barrier between us, she will be fantastc with our babies.

I mentioned in Saturday's post that I hadn't cried yet. Last night the tears finally fell. Talking to The C about all this was jsut so heartbreaking. Each cycle is our loss, and it is really hard to deal with. But yesterday after seeing his mother (and then later my mother) with the baby I felt so sad that I am depriving them of that opportunity with our children. It just made me cry and cry. It's really so unfair.