Saturday, June 09, 2007

WAITING FOR AF

Well I did gone go do it.

My husband's family is descending today (we will be 8 people in our small one bathroomed house), and the big bash that we are throwing for my father is tomorrow (hence the arrival of in-laws and such). I wanted to be "prepared". I just needed to know before I had no control over the rest of my weekend.

So I went to the drugstore last night to purchase some (rip-off) paraphernalia so that I could give my body the equivalent of its SATs. (You know, the big test that will decide your future...)

I woke up at 5:15 rarin' to pee. And my FMU did not let me down- strong and bold it poured over the stick. The stick that within seconds taunted me with only one line. I sighed, flushed, and got back into bed. The C did not even stir once. I tossed, I turned, I got back out of bed and headed here. So you guys know about this first. (Well maybe not, the man should be out of bed any moment, and he will be faced with the evidence when he walks into the bathroom.)

I haven't cried. And I don't know why. My emotions continue to confuse me at every point of this journey. It really all so bizarre. I have spent most of this 2WW cranky as cranky can be. I've been waiting for someone to say something to me (along the lines of: Ms. C, you are being such a biotch, what the fuck is with you), but no one has. Though I am definately feeling a sense of immense loss, a sense of lightness has come over me.

Last night the winds picked up and it thunderstormed all night. This morning the sky is clear and the sun is starting to come into my office as I type this.

Who knows what the future will bring...
(I'm guessing boatloads of white peach sangria for a start.)

20 comments:

TeamWinks said...

Can you pass me a glass? I'll sit and have a drink with you. I'm sorry.

Nico said...

That snowy white expanse is so hard to look at. I'm really sorry!

But, you had your IUI on 5/29, right? So then methinks it's a bit early to give up hope completely. I personally know two people who got BFN at 12 dpiui, but went on to have a positive a few days later. Even if you aren't in a space to hope for that, I certainly will hold onto her for you.

xox

Amy said...

I'm hoping it was just 'too early' to POAS yet. I hope you are somehow able to have a good weekend with your inlaws :)

Heather said...

I'll have a glass too... my stick this morning was negative as well. I'm sorry, Sweetie.

Flygirl said...

Damn. I'm sorry Ms. C. :(

sariel & shlomit said...

Well, sweetie....i'm shedding a few tears for you. I'm so sorry. I hope it was some crappy ass pee stick and that you really are preg. Damn.

Go with the feeling of lightness, though...i'm liking it. And if i was there i'd tell you to go ahead and be the biggest biotch you need to be. anytime.

love you, girl!

peace
shlomit

Carrie said...

Maybe too early but I am sorry you have to face this family do without an absolute conclusion.

I'm hoping you manage to get through ok. The sangria won't do any harm, either way.

Take care x

Samantha said...

I'm sorry. I hope you can make through the party with a bit of Sangria.

Patience said...

I'm sorry....

Watson said...

I'm sorry, I hope the sangrias can help a little though...

My Reality said...

Fuck. I am sorry Ms. C.

decemberbaby said...

Crap, I'm so sorry. I'll cross my fingers for a last minute hail-mary BFP.

In the meantime, drown your sorrows in Sangria. Sounds delicious.

The Town Criers said...

I'm sorry, sweetie. Hoping the visit isn't too stressful--a lot of people/small space/emotions catching up. If you need to escape for a few minutes and have a vent, you know where to find me. I also hope it was just too early to test.

needles said...

SANGRIA???
BREAK OUT THE SHOT GLASSES MAN! Its time for heavy stuff...I'm with you. yes I agree that it may be too early and you shouldnt give up hopes yet- but still...I know how shitty it feels and how AF is like the Angel of death...
I hate her.
I never invite her over but she always shows up every month....
Just found your blog and I'm going to add you as one of my 'reads' :)

Mary Ellen and Steve said...

Oh crap I am so sorry.

Rachel said...

I'm just so sorry.

Nearlydawn said...

I say get your beta anyway... I'm going with the hail Mary theory. You just never know - IF is a cruel and unusual mistress.

Gil said...

Aw hon, I am so sorry to hear about the single line. I wish it could have been otherwise. I've still got a sliver of hope for you though, but I do know that inevitable let down.

On that note, I'm one week into my 2ww, but I'm not optimistic at all. Pass that peach sangria. I'm game. Hugs to you.

Somewhat Ordinary said...

I'm late on this, but I'm sorry and hoping that 'too eary' is the case.

sharah said...

May I also suggest one part whiskey (brand of your choice, but we use Southern Comfort) to two parts lemonade? I have a pitcher full in the fridge right, and we can drown our sorrow together.