Wednesday, June 23, 2010

I have thoughts that I can't put into words. Dealing with IF this time around isn't easier per se. Even saying "this time around" doesn't seem right, because I never stopped "dealing" with it. I always knew that we would have to revisit the clinic when we wanted another baby.

Just because I have my Sacha doesn't make me want another baby any less. And people who say "well you already have one, so if this doesn't work out, at least you have him" are missing the mark.

Most of my life I pictured myself with two children. (Except for the 10 month or so following Sacha's birth- at that time I couldn't, beyond my wildest imagination, understand how people ever were able to care for more than one child!) So my dream is my dream, and I still want it.

I don't think that my feelings are unusual. Sacha is my "proze" for the child that I wanted first. I still long for my other little one.

Yesterday we had our IUI. Unlike last time it didn't hurt at all. Mostly I was distracted because Sacha was with us. And he was babbling on about mommy getting her engine fixed. I'm still not sure how he came up with that idea on his own. But he wasn't too far off the mark. Smart little boy.

So now... the two week wait. The time will pass- it always does. I hope and I want. But try not to hope too much or want too much. Lest I jinx it.

8 comments:

MrsSpock said...

LOL- love his analogy! Hope your "engine" was fixed well, and you get two lines soon!

Heather said...

LOL! I love all his sayings, he is hilarious!

Hope the 2ww flies by...hmmm what to distract you with?

Rachel said...

Wow, I'm impressed that you brought him right in along with you. Very glad your engine was 'fixed' and hoping that the news is good in 2 weeks.

sky girl said...

Keeping you in my thoughts.

I sometimes wonder if secondary infertility is tougher than primary because of exactly what you're dealing with. People tend to not give any value to what you long for because you already have one.

robin said...

Best of luck! I'll be keeping you in my thoughts these next two weeks... hoping hoping hoping. (^_^)

Sacha is awesome -- they are so intuitive, aren't they?

Krista said...

Good luck, I can just imagine your first impression as you heard him babble about getting "your engine" fixed. That's pretty hilarious.

My Reality said...

I hope your engine fixing does the trick.

Lut C. said...

Yep, the longing isn't any less.

I'm grateful I only dreamed of a family of 2 kids. With one, I'm already halfway.