IT’S A...

Before we get to that, there’s tons more to talk about.

First on the agenda: You Wonderful Folks.
Your support over the past couple of days has been unbelievable. I know I have said it countless times already, but I don’t know what I would do without you guys. It means so much to me that you are here for me- to lend a comforting word or some really thoughtful advice. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Point number two: Yesterday’s OB Appointment
Putting it all into perspective, if we eliminate the stress of the screen results, yesterday’s appointment was pretty standard and uneventful. Wait for eons, go into exam room, wait for a bit longer (but be thankful that I am not sitting there naked but for a sheet of paper), doctor enters, listens to beautiful heartbeat, the end.

So we got all that (oh, the wonderful heartbeat and movement sounds of our baby!!), plus a discussion of our screen results, which included some straight talk from the doctor.

And alas, third of all: The Decisions
I know I sounded pretty adamant in my last post about no further testing. Over the next day or so, I started to rethink my position. Your comments and email exchanges were really helpful in showing me various points of view. I began to understand something that I previously hadn’t thought about (until now I really had hoped I would never have to think about any of this…): I certainly wouldn’t love my baby less if he was born with Down’s, but it would be in my and his best interest to know and be prepared upon his birth.

This, coupled with our OB pointing out to us that the risk of miscarrying due to having the amnio was actually higher than our risk of Down’s started to make the picture very clear. Plus, our OB noted, the rate of miscarriage from amnio of the particular doctor who would be performing the test was actually in the range of 1/2000 to 1/3000. The doctor was able to fit us in this morning (moving our ultrasound up one week.) Our doctor also told us that we still had the evening to think about it some more: upon arrival at the ultrasound clinic we could inform them that we were just going to have the ultrasound and not the amnio.

Par for the course, I didn’t sleep all night. Though my husband and I had made up our minds, the thought of doing the procedure, and the possibility of miscarrying was weighing on me heavily. The way I have written it makes it seem like the process was straight-forward. In truth, the last 5 days have been a special sort of hell reminiscent of my years dealing with infertility. In the end (and I am saying this now, no matter what happens), I know that we made the decision that was best for us.

I won’t go into details about the procedure this morning- it’s something I would sooner rather forget (not so much due to the pain, but for the emotional upheaval.) I haven’t had any bleeding, fluid leaking, or strong cramps. I am feeling confident at this later time of the day that nothing bad is going to happen. Now we just have to sit tight for the results which won’t be available for another 2-4 weeks. Results which won’t change how much I love my baby, but will redirect my prenatal research from strollers and cloth diapers to, well, other more important things.

As for the actual ultrasound? Our sweet baby was a beautiful as ever: moving, waving, breathing and hiccupping. Everything measured perfectly; we saw his little bones growing, his 4 heart chambers and his brain hemispheres. The C also saw signs that he is already a fan of is soccer (er, football) team, Porto.

You may have noticed over the weeks that I have always used “him”, “he”, and “his” in a generic sort of way. Today we saw for sure. We will be painting our little room navy and lime, and my mother is already planning the bris. You all, of course, are invited.

And last: Thank you to my wonderful C. Your love and support are never ending, and for this I am eternally grateful. I know I couldn’t have made it through the past few days without you.

(Please, if you know me IRL, keep all this info to yourself. We don’t think that we are going to tell many people.)