Saturday, February 10, 2007

HITTING ME LIKE A TON OF BRICKS

The past while I feel like I've been handling other peoples' baby stuff pretty well. Much better than I was in July and August when I got a torrent of pregnancy announcements. Recently those pregnancies have produced, umm, babies (thank God for healthy babies), and I am actually feeling ok.

Maybe it's because I haven't met any of the babies, maybe because I'm cycling right now, maybe it's because I have grown as a person (though I wouldn't put too much weight on that one.)

In all this okay-ness, yesterday I experienced a relapse.

My wonderful friend gave birth last week to her second little girl. My friend claims she has everything she needs-enough blankies, enough rattles, and cetainly enough pink onesies that the little one will grow out of faster than we can blink. (She was going batty with the all the gifts from her first baby, and had so much stuff that she never even used. Now she's got her chance, but people like to buy gifts, and she's still getting more!) So yes, I could have run into The G.ap and picked up the cutest little newborn extravagant gift possible, but I knew this would not cut it in the category of thoughtful baby gift from best friend. So instead I decided to order a pair of these. Man they are so delish. And certainly not something that can be handed down from baby's older sister. (If you need a gift, go to it. Support the commerce in my community!)

This product is made by a woman working at home. I thought the process would be simple. Email lady the baby's name, run over to her house to pick up shoes. Um. No. She preferred I picked up my merchandise at a local cafe that just opened. A cafe dedicated to mothers and babies. Star.bucks meets Gym.boree, meets Nail Salon, meets Yoga Studio, meets Natur.al Baby Pro.duct Boutique. All very modern, all very cool. Pretty much the type of place I would choose to hang out in, ummm, should I have the appropriate, er, accessory.

I took a deep breath and opened the door (and helped a woman with her stroller). It was first thing in the morning, so mercifully there were only 2 babies present. I enquired about my product, and was told that the woman who runs the boutique would not be in for another half an hour. Now, I DO NOT KNOW WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS, but I parked my butt on a chic leather sofa and decided to wait. I suppose in the same way one can't avert one's eyes when passing a car crash.

Throughout my half hour wait women arrived with their children. Pregnant women arrived with their babies. (Yes! Women who have obvioulsy been blessed twice in the time that I have been trying for one!) The owner told me all about their services and programs. Little ones toddled up to me and giggled. It was wonderful to see all this in a coffeshop, but it was tearing me up inside. It was some kind of cruel joke asking me to step into this place. I was just about at the point of letting the tears flow when the woman I had been waiting for walked through the door.

The rest of the day was a disaster for me. I couldn't work, I couldn't function. Just when I thought I was getting somewhere, a tons of bricks fell out of the sky and landed on my chest. It is so not ok that other people keep having babies and that I can't.

17 comments:

sariel & shlomit said...

ms. c...i'm sending you the biggest of cyber hugs and letting you bawl and get snot all over my shoulder...IF SUCKS!!!!!! not much else to say. you know you can call me at anytime, right?
peace & love,
shlomit
ps...you are a great writer.

Dianne/Flutter said...

I am so sorry.

My Reality said...

Wow. I can't imagine what it would be like to have sat in that cafe. Actually, I can. It would have been pure torture.

Your friend is lucky to have you in her life. You bought a beautiful and thoughtful gift for her baby girl. I hope that things turn soon and people are buying you adorable little baby shoes for you little one soon.

Lut C. said...

Oh, I've been there many times. It's just as bad each time.

Margo said...

I am so sorry Ms. C. That is so hard.

Thalia said...

You're right, it's not ok. Not ok at all.

Krista said...

Urgggg... infertiles should not be expected to go in such places. It's just too painful.

I so hope you have the appropriate accessory very soon!

Nico said...

That is a really sweet gift for your friend. I'm sorry that you had to go through all that to get it for her.

The Town Criers said...

Sweetheart--those places, it's like sending a widow into a bridal store. Or worse--sending a widow into a wedding where everyone is paired off and happy. It's a great gift and I actually have to buy something for a cousin's child right now, but if I lived up there, I'd just have to explain and ask if I could go to her house or do it online.

TeamWinks said...

I applaud you for not leaving. You surely are one hell of a dedicated friend!

Erin said...

How incredibly hard--no wonder you had a rough day for the rest of the day. There's nothing to make the loss that accompanies infertility even sharper than to be spending time with small children and babies and pregnant women.

aah0424 said...

Ugh, that sucks. You are a strong woman and a great friend for sticking it out. I probably would have done the same thing, but man I would be paying for it later!

sharah said...

Ouch. I hope you never have to go through that feeling again.

carrie said...

ugh, that must have been so difficult.

i did take your advice, though, and just ordered a pair for my friend's new baby. at least i could do everything online, though, and didn't have to go into the babyzone. hang in there.

mandolyn said...

I'm just so sorry. My heart hurts for you thinking of that experience.

Amy said...

New here by way of Town Criers...just wanted to send some hugs. I have to avoid Babies-R-Us when people have babies now. If they register there, I do it online and ship it. I haven't been to a baby shower in almost two years. I am SO sorry you ended up in that situation. You never realize you're not okay until it's too late.

decemberbaby said...

You're a braver woman than I. Next time, please don't be so brave. Take care of yourself. I'm praying that one day you will have the appropriate accessory, and then you can spend all day every day in there without going batty.

In the meantime, ((((((hugs))))))