Sunday, August 05, 2007

UP AND DOWN, UP AND DOWN

I woke up yesterday morning in a panic.

I can't tell you what my panic was attributed to. I had tried so hard all week to remain calm, cool and collected. In my post on Friday I told you my scan was a mere two and a half days away. It seemed so close- I would definitely make it. But yesterday morning I felt nervous all over again. I waited til 9 and called my clinic. They told me to come in a few hours later.

Can I tell you how much I love my clinic? And I like Dr. New too. I wish I knew him better, and he knew me better, but beggars can't be choosers here. He's really alright.

So we did our scan and we instantly saw our little heartbeat. Relief, relief, relief. That's all I can say. Everything measure right on, and the heartbeat was strong. We even got to hear it. And more good news: the clot seemed to have left the building.

After seeing that all was ok, the doctor wanted to know what was freaking me out so much. I told him that sometimes I get waves of panic that I can't control. It doesn't help that I don't seem to have consistent symptoms, either. I feel a bit queasy on and off (but have never vomited), and my boobs, which hurt a lot in week 5, hurt much less now. He assured me, that although he does not have a crystal ball, he has no reason to think that this pregnancy won't proceed normally.

All through this The C has been supportive. I know he thinks that I'm crazy, but he tries his very best to keep me calm. We left the clinic reassured, and I enjoyed the rest of my day. I even slept well last night (perhaps better than I have in weeks), and had a fun morning. We came home from Brunch and I was exhausted, so I lay down for a couple of hours.

I woke up to go to the bathroom, and upon wiping saw some more traces of blood. This is the first bit of spotting since Monday's episode, and I know following that everything was ok. I am trying to focus my thoughts on that. Even if my clinic was open I'm not sure I would have called them. I am going to wait til tomorrow and see what's going on then.

Why can't I have more than 24 hours peace??

19 comments:

Heather said...

Glad the scan went well. HOORAY for the clot being gone!!!

My Reality said...

I am so happy to hear you have a heartbeat!! I hope there aren't anymore downs.

Flygirl said...

I hope that the rest of this week is peaceful....

The Town Criers said...

Until you can feel the baby kick, I think you're going to have those waves of panic. I wish they could make a little window so you can see into the womb when you're feeling nervous :-) But it's so hard. The time in between appointments is so hard.

But the heartbeat is a very very very good sign.

Samantha said...

Great heartbeat! I hope that spotting is just the last remains of the clot.

hopeful to hateful in 28 days said...

It is so hard to find peace- I feel comforted for a day after my appointments and then go into panic mode again until the next one. I'm glad things are going well for you. Hang in there (and cross those days off the calendar with glee!)

lucky #2 said...

So thankful that the clot disappeared! Panic is unfortunately part of the game...I wish I could lend you some peace and calm.

Are you on progesterone suppositories? They can make you spot as it can irritate your cervix.

Kate said...

It's really hard when symptoms come and go. Congrats on the heartbeat!

Karen said...

I'm really sorry the spotting is back, but I promise you, it's really, really normal. A lot of women have spotting or even bleeding throughout their first trimester.

With this pregnancy, I had bleeding (period-like bleeding) throughout my entire first trimester into my 2nd trimester, and here I am at almost 27 weeks with triplets still kicking away.

What I try to remember (and I know for some reason this comes easier to me than it does to a lot of women), and this was especially true early on, was the either something was wrong and little could be done about it or (more likely) absolutely nothing was wrong and nothing could be done about it and panicking wouldn't make it better.

Focus on that beautiful beautiful heartbeat. It's hard to do that, I know. But that is the important bit!

In and Out of Luck said...

I'm sorry about the spotting. That happened to me in 1st pregnancy, and it was right after a doctor's appointment. You said you had had a scan that morning, right? I don't know if they just used the U/S probe or if they did any other sort of examination, but exams can cause spotting because the cervix is quite vascular (blood vessels near surface) during pregnancy. As for the anxiety? I'd like to say I've been there. Alas, I AM there.

Carol said...

that's great news about your scan! hopefully that will give you a bit of relief. when is your next one?

I think your anxiety is totally normal - after all you've been through. I found I had a very predictable cycle - I was sane for exactly 1 week after each scan, and then the anxiet crept back in. Mel is right - it doesn't go away until you feel them move regularly.

hang in there!

Lut C. said...

I'm so glad the scan went well!

Don't blame yourself for getting panic attacks. You can't control how you feel.

A said...

Yay for the heartbeat! And great news about the clot being gone.

Like the town criers said, for me the waves of panic came pretty frequently until I could feel the baby move. And even now I worry a little when I haven't felt her move much, even though I know from experience that she tends to be on a pretty consistent schedule of lots of movement one day, two days of less movement, repeat.

As for the spotting, I had two spotting episodes before 12 weeks and both times the only thing I could do is get in bed and watch bad TV because I was so scared. But it all turned out ok, and I had to just keep repeating the mantra "spotting in the 1st trimester is NORMAL". It also helped a lot to call my doctor and go in, even if I was pretty sure it was nothing. Getting that reassurance from the doc is key, and that's what they're there for.

Hang in there, keep breathing, and know that lots of people out here can completely understand what you're going through!

sariel & shlomit said...

Great news about the u/s and the heartbeat and things being as they should be!!!! Sorry about the panic and anxiety...I think are in a better position to offer advice and experience so i'll just say, hang in there...if you want, i'll be happy to anxious on your behalf so that you can get some peace! (if only it were that simple, eh?!)
sending lots of love,
peace
shlomit

Ann said...

Good for you, Ms. C! The nurses I've talked to say that a good number of women have small amounts of spotting at various times in their pregnancy, and it's completely normal. I hear ya, though--from the second you walk out of an u/s, you want to walk right back in for another one.

emmadison said...

Hi... I'm new to your blog (from a friend of a friend's blog)... I had a relatively easy round of fertility problems (compared to others, took us about a year and Clomid to get pg, could have been a lot worse)'


Anyway, just wanted to say that I had 2 subchorionic hematomas that developed about 7 weeks and lasted until about 13 weeks, which is what it sounds like you have. I alternated spotting with some much heavier bleeding-- had 6 ultrasounds in that time, each pretty much like the ones you described. The bleeding is scary, but not necessarily the end of the world. Having done a lot of research on them, there really doesn't seem to be anything you can do (this really is a case of "it will be ok or it won't", not helpful, I know) but I took it really easy during that time (screw the house, grocery shopping, dog walking, etc.) and obviously no lifting anything over 10 pounds or sex for 7 days after ANY bleeding. In my case, everything worked out fine (I'm 32 weeks now), but there is NOTHING scarier than finding blood. I still look every time.

I have to disagree with the town criers though, even after you feel the baby kick, there are stil times of panic. I realized this afternoon I hadn't felt him all day and freaked out. But I guess that is just good preparation for having a teenager. :-)

Best of luck to you, and if you need someone to talk to about s.c., email me.

Elizabeth

Geohde said...

Pregnancy after IF is hard. I think that you're doing remarkably well.

Hang in there.

Emmakirst said...

Have been lurking for some time, wanted to say about the bleeding I also had a clot, when i was pregnant with my last baby and she's a happy healthy 16mos old right now. You'll most likely see spotting until the clot is gone. Congrats on your pregnancy!

Gil said...

It sounds like things are going pretty well. And that is great news. Just thought I'd stop by to check up on things and say hello and give you some hugs. Crossing my fingers that there are no more downs on your rollercoaster!