Friday, November 10, 2006


Geez, a whole week, let's do a little catching up, shall we?

So much for my daily posts for National Infertility Awareness Week! Maybe three out of five isn't too shabby. Though I didn't post last Firday, I did my teeny weeny part out there in my community. I talked about IF openly and loudly in a very busy restaurant while lunching with a friend. I talked about my IF. I discussed semen analyses. I went into detail about transvaginal ultrasounds. And I talk VERY loudly. In public. It would be very difficult for other people not to hear me. So I will consider that part of my dissemination of information that I promised for the week.

However, on Saturday, while my mother was holding and coochy-cooing a most adorably delish 14 month old, the father of the baby said to me: "Look how much your mother would like one! You guys really should get going!" AND I DIDN'T SAY A WORD. Ok, I may have repleid with my usual "Yup!", but I did not keep my end of the bargain wherein I was going to try to be more out about IF. I didn't even have OUT myslef to this guy, but I could have been a bit small "o" out. I could make lots of excuses: I was at my parent's place of business. The C was right behind me, and it might make him uncomfortable. There were the other guys that he works with all around, too. But I feel that I should have said something. I need to refine a statement that I can produce when someone says something like that to me. Something along the lines of: "Yes, we would love to have a baby, but it hasn't been so easy for us." Not OUT, but a bit of information disemination to educate the general public on how baby making is not all snap, crackle and pop for one sixth of our population.

Do you guys have a quick and dirty response that you give people in a situation like this? (ie: You don't want to pull out your entire medical record, but you don't exactly feel that staying silent is the way to go.) Please share!

The rest of my week has been pretty uneventful (if you would even call what I wrote above eventful...) My biggest enjoyment of the past few days has been the nurturing of a lovely cyst on my coccyx that comes and goes from time to time. It appears when I am stressed and tired, and takes a number of days to go away. And it hurst like hell, is all red and hard, and makes sitting, lying down, and changing possitions very painful. I know: fun and games with Ms. C's body. It was the worst ever the week before our wedding-talk about stress! This week I went to see my homeopath about treatment (I have previously taken antibiotics, but I know this is something that can be treated homeopathically. I really don't like to put more medication into my body than necessary.) The pain and inflamation have subsided, and now I have just some mild discomfort. I love my homeopath. She asked if I felt uncomfortable pulling my pants down slightly so she could have a look at the spot. I was like: no problem... I have had tons of people look at more private parts of me without asking so kindly!

Today is "show set-up day" for me. Three times a year I participate in industry tradeshows where I pimp my work and I try to secure business for the ensuing year. It is a necessary evil which I really dislike doing. It is boring, repetative, tiring, and often baby-filled. The set-up of my booth is also a pain, as it is not something I can do alone. At other times of the year The C can help me out, but in November I have to enlist the help of someone else. Someone who has a flexible schedule as set-up is only in the daytime. The only person available is my brother, who is wonderful for helping me out in a pinch, but whom I feel bad instructing to do this and that. Oy, can you tell I am so not looking forward to the next three days? And when it's all done: the whole booth has to come down...

On a final note, there is not much to report on my personal IF front. I am on day 8 of 14 days of BCP, which when I am done will hopefully produce a period and cystless ovaries so we can start treatment with The World's Best Doctor. If all goes according to plan, CD3 will be in approximately 2 weeks. Of course, I shall keep you posted.

Have a good weekend all you lovely people!


Lut C. said...

I can only think of good quips afterwards. :-/

How about: "Right, and I bet you want to come and help if we have any trouble. Take a number, pall."

Or: "Oh, we're accepting contributions to the IVF-fund right now".

It's not your responsibilty to educate everyone you meet, you know.

My Reality said...

I hope you trade show goes well!

mandolyn said...

Oooh, I hate when that happens. I think that your afterthought of "Yeah, but it hasn't been that easy for us." is fine. I've used something like that several times. My grandmother, (I'm out with her) mentioned a few weeks ago that my cousin "sure isn't getting any younger. She really needs to start having babies." I couldn't help but interject with a pitiful, "Well, maybe they have been trying..."

You have a good point. I should have a simple phrase ready and on hand when people speak their mind without consulting their brain first.

flygirl said...

I was never good at coming up with good comebacks although once I looked at the person like they were crazy and asked "why would you even say/ask something like that?" Like they had just suggested I murder my mother or something. Made them pretty darned uncomfortable which I thought was suitable considering how they made me feel.

I like Lut C's second suggestion. And also, I agree that it's not your responsibility to educate or out yourself to everyone. Just do what feels right for you.

Watson said...

I am terrible in situations like that.

I either clam up and just smile, nodding my head like a moron and not saying anything.

Or, I let loose a tirade of "we HAVE been trying and you have NO idea how hard it is..." and about that time I'm usually on the verge of tears which is quite obvious to everyone within a 10 ft. radius and it's hideously uncomfortable for all involved.

Like I said, I haven't found that delicate balance between moron and crazy lady.

Anonymous said...

I just say "We are trying...." and
then smile and nod to whatever advice they have on the subject.

sariel & shlomit said...

hey c...
good luck with the cyst and the trade show...double yuck! but how sweet of your bro to give you a hand....
thanks for your note, btw...hanging in there...miss you lots!

shenani said...

I think you have to judge the situation, if it's someone inconsequential then don't bother with the comment.

But if it's someone you know, or the C knows I think something simple but not nasty is the right way to atleast make you less uncomfortalbe next time you see them by letting them know it's not ok to make a comment like that.

Of course what the line is I don't know.

Good luck with the show : )

TeamWinks said...

Surprisingly, I am much better when being asked these things in public than I am in private. In public there is always something to say...

"Why do you want to help?"

Hand them very quietly your RE's business card, and watch them blush. Then, change the subject.

"If I had my magic wand I would give my mother grandchildren tomorrow, but alas mine's busted."

"Hey, honey, you hear that, we need to start making babies! What do you say we head home and get a jump on it!"

Oh, the ideas are endless. It's all about your comfort level.

Krista said...

I ususally reply with "It's just not that easy for everyone" and usually I get a "sorry" from the offender. Of course occassionally people will ask questions and you will have to decide how much information you want to give. I generally don't mind answering questions if I feel the person genuinely feels bad and wants to know about the process.

Hope the period comes right away and you are on day 3 before you know it. Good luck with the trade show.

aah0424 said...

I tend to be "out" often (it is real hard for me to keep my mouth shut sometimes). I think every situation is different so I've said a variety of things, but one of my favorites is, "Well, it's not for a lack of trying."

theoneliner said...

i like what krista said..."um, its not that easy for everyone." non-confrontational will make them feel awful. and that will make them remember to keep their pie-hole shut!
sorry about the trade show...hope it went well.

Karen said...

I am much more "out" than a lot of folks, I think. Mostly because I can't keep my mouth shut, but also because I'm just tired of all of this.

I almost universally say, "it's not for lack of trying, believe me."

I live in an Orthodox Jewish community where one just does NOT speak of such things, so it has a far more shocking impact than you might think.

KE said...

I just found your blog and have been really enjoying it. Being more out with people is something I continue to struggle with. The people closest to me know, but I'm also working on a good answer for the people who make insensitive comments without realizing it. Good luck with your trade show!

Jenny said...

Before dealing with being infertile, I kinda asked a few people that. It's coming back on me, now, because everyone asks me when I'm going to have one or two or five.

I say to them, "We've been trying for a year now and maybe with this new round of pills that the doctor gave us, we might be able to do it." Shuts 'em right up. It also quells the "Just relax and it'll happen" comment which we so frequently get.

As a side bonus to this, though, I ended up finding out about a local infertility group by doing that.

Ellen K. said...

I usually just say "It's not that easy for some people."