Wednesday, September 27, 2006

WHAT NOW?

I am good with lists. They keep my thoughts clear. I know I tend to ramble in my posts, and the only one that truly appreciates all my verbiage is my husband. (Because he loves me and cherishes every word that spews forth from my fingers. Oh barf.) The rest of you, I am sure, are all like: hurry up and get to the point, you are losing me here. Growing up, the only negative remark that was consitently on my report card? Talks too much. Old habits doe hard. But I digress. Here is my list for today, September 27, 2006, one month less one day until the RE appointment.

1. I ended my last post saying how I loved the atmoshere of the clinic where The C deposited his sperm, and so I made some appointments. The Urologist for him, the RE for me. What is the lead time for first appointments at this clinic, you ask? Four weeks, people. FOUR WEEKS. And when I pushed them, the four became a three. I am so bruised from kicking myself it's not even funny. Why did I not call them sooner? Why... I do not know. So... October 11=urologist; October 12=RE. Which is GREAT. Except for see List Item Six.

2. I am still going to keep our October 26 appointment with the Original RE at the clinic that comes highly recommended by my gyn. Very highly. To heights so high that she claims that he and his clinic are the absolute best. (There is only one RE, and so the clinic is very personalized. Which is why, I can imagine my wait to see him has been 7 months.) Also, the receptionist at my gyn's office told me about her son and his wife seeking the help of said RE (after seeing another, but not at the clinic where I have made appointments in List Item One,) and are now the proud parents of two children.

3. I'm not sure that the office of RE Original has a urologist. Is it not better to have the urologist right there in the clinic if out IF is MF and FF? Those of you in this situation, can you pass along some advice?

4. Really, I am treating the new appointments I have made as the second opinions, even though we will be seeing those doctors first. (Does that make sense?) I like the idea of the small clinic of RE Original, even though I haven’t been there yet. And it’s close to home, and The C’s work.

5. I feel like I am going insane. I am making judgments before I have been there. Before I have met the doctors and staff. I just want this so fucking much, and feel like we have waited so long, and my brain is killing me just thinking about this 25 hours a day, and The C doesn’t really understand how come my brain thinks about this 25 hours a day, and…

6. Nevermind the insanity in my head. I must go on. So. Many appointments in October. Some new, some old. Which I mentioned in List Item One as “GREAT”. Except here is why they are not so great. Two reasons. A) My husband works with my parents. Having an appointment means asking for time off from my dad. Which normally is not a problem. Stating: “I have an appointment, and it’s private,” usually does the trick. Except for B) The business my family runs is seasonal. As in this year the “season” is starting October 10. As in they work 7 days a week, fourteen hours a day, and NO APPOINTMENTS allowed, because, well, it’s busy, so no one can eat lunch, much less LEAVE the premises for an hour or two. And even less for two appointments! (The C and I have come to the conclusion that I can go to the appointment that I am seeing as the second opinion alone, because there is no way in hell he can ask for 3 different times off.)

7. We have waited 7 months for these appointments. I AM NOT GOING ALONE. I AM NOT RESCEDULING. (Rescheduling to a less busy time would mean January.) (Have any of you gone to the initial consult alone? Can you do that? And how bad does that look? Especially seeing as we have MF involved too.) But this means that The C will have to make a pretty convincing argument as to why he should be allowed time off. Which will probably involve telling him the truth. And my dad is a tough bastard (whom I love), with little empathy or understanding for personal situations that interfere with the running of his business. Which is why The C hasn’t told him about the time he will need. And so my stress surrounding the appointments is compounded.

8. Maybe some of you understand why I am having heart palpitations?

Oy vey. I tried making a list in an attempt in keeping this concise. Which I did not. I can’t seem to write a short and sweet post. There is too much in my head.

10 comments:

Heather said...

I went alone to my Gyn appointments and to my RE appointment (I've only had one). BigP has a crazy work schedule and he can't always get off. They wanted him to come in for a SA - so he had to do that later on. They really wanted him there but they understood and didn't make a big deal of it...

Good luck!

sarielandshlomit said...

it's your business. period. he must attend the appointments he must attend and the chips will fall where they may. quite honestly, i know your dad is a tough/loving/loveable guy, but he will not fire the 'c' and will likely just be quite concerned. you've got to do what you've got to do on this friggin' ridiculously tough journey. it'll all be worth it ultimately when you hold the babe in your arms.

if you conclude that the c must tell all, then you'd better do it together off the work premises.

if not, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger!!!!
consider these tests training ground for parenting teenagers or something!!!

bottom line: it'll be fine. you'll go to your appointments. you'll get your answers. you'll pick an RE and clinic you feel good about. you will get your 'gameplan'. you will get your bfp!!!!!!!
chin up, girl!!!
peace and love,
shlomit

Lut C. said...

Oh my, and I don't want to tell the management because they're not very good at keeping secrets. At least I'm not related to any one of them.

VanillaDreams said...

Did you get back the results of the SA?

I think your husband should be at as many appointments as possible. Since you guys have never done IVF before, you'll both need as much info as possible, and first hand info is better than secondhand.

Also, if nothing else, you shouldn't have to do it by yourself, and he should be there to support you as much as possible.

I understand the work situation is difficult -- but surely if you explain it's for serious medical appointments, that should make a difference?

Good luck with your decisions!

Nilla

~r said...

I've been to most of my appointments alone. B has a hard time getting off work, so we really only ask when it's a need-to-be-there appointment.

I have a military doctor, who understands that many of my appointments have been while B wasn't home, so I don't think that he has a problem with only seeing me.

... but if there's any way that you can bring your husband, I think that's the way to go. It's not always fun for me to try and remember every little detail of every discussion, especially when B has questions I didn't think to ask, and have no answers for.

Jennie said...

I don't know if this helps or not, I went to my consultation alone. We did not want hubby to take time off of work and I was fine with that. I usually go to all my appts. alone. It's funny but at my OB/Gyn there were NEVER any men in the waiting room, but at my RE's office there are always lots of husbands, depending on the time you go.

We do not have MF, so that could make a difference if you should bring him or not.

If I were you I would call the clinic and ask them if it's necessary to bring the C with you to the appt, as you are dealing with MF. Explain your situation and they will probably give you a good idea how important or not it is for him to go with you.

Krista said...

I agree with r, call the RE and ask if it is ok if you come alone. I know my RE prefers both people to be there but understands that sometimes that isn't possible. And since most of the fertility treatment centres around you, it shouldn't be that big of a deal. If the C has to limit his time off, it is much more important that he get to the urologist appointment.

Hope if works out.

My Reality said...

I have a hard time writing short and sweet posts, too. When we went to our consult with the RE, it was a requirement that the partner be there. We have both male and female factors and the urologist and RE work out of the same office, it does simplify things a bit I think. We share a file, both doctors can see the entire file.

As for your parents, I wish you much luck with what you decide. Could you maybe tell your dad just enough that he would let C have the time off without letting the cat completely out of the bag? I think it would be important for C to be at both consults because you will need to be on the same page with things. This is a decision you will need to make together.

TeamWinks said...

I would tell dad the truth. That's me. He can be as grumpy as he wants about it, but I'm sure at some point he will step back and see how much your husband means to his little girl. As far as the RE and looking bad, wouldn't worry about that. I preferred my husband to be there for a second set of ears, in case I missed something he said.

Ellen K. said...

D.'s MF urologist is associated with my RE's clinic but her practice is 30 miles out into the exurbs. I think her role at the clinic is more of a consulting urologist. She does not do the sperm washing or anything like that. We haven't seen her since D.'s varicocelectomy.

D. was not able to go to the initial consultation with the RE, and I regret that. I think it's caused a lot of communication problems between us, because he had never heard these things directly from the RE, and it made him feel out of the loop.