Monday, October 18, 2010


And... nothing either way.

The last cycle we did I started spotting on day 12. But this time I've been taking progesterone, so I expect that my period won't arrive until 14dpo, at least.

But the hope is gone. I didn't even buy a HPT. Why waste the money?

I think it's easier this cycle to let go of the hope.

The first cycle i was waaay too freaking hopeful. I mean the previous cycle (although it was 3 years before) resulted in a real live baby. So I knew I could do it. And expected that I would.

This time. Well- that hope is gone. I am reaquainted with the feeling of things not working out.

The reality is that I know what it feels like to be pregnant. I've been there. But I certainly don't feel like I'm there right now.

I am feeling a little like woe is me. But I know that we will jump right back in and cylce immediately (barring any unforseen circumstances).

But- it still hurts. A friend had a baby yesterday. And another told me of her pregnacy (4wks) last week.

On the other hand- life goes on.


BigP's Heather said...

I'm sorry.

robin said...

Wow, what a bumpy road this is for you. I have another friend who is trying for baby #2 right now too, and she is feeling the exact same grief and pained acceptance.

Please know that this is all making your heart a thousand times bigger, even though it hurts like a mofo right now.

I'm keeping you in my thoughts, hoping for you while you can't muster the hope for yourself.


Lut C. said...

It hurts, don't I know it. I'm watching on the sidelines as well, and it's hard.

TeamWinks said...

I'm sorry it's tough right now. I wish I could make this work for you.