Today I am 33. I am happy and healthy and have the one wish I have wished for for the past 2 years. I'm not sure it would be right to ask for anything more.
I just reread my post-holiday and -birthday post from last year. It amazes me how much can change in a year. (This point was also driven hope when I read through this year's archives in search for a post for Mel's Creme de la Creme.) Words really can't describe how fortunate I feel today.
This feeling of, well, feeling good can explain my lack of posting as of late. It's just that after all this time of feeling like frozen shit on a stick I actually feel fine. My fears, worries and neuroses of the first 20 weeks of this pregnancy were all very real, and, to some degree, unbelievably debilitating. But the past 8 weeks have been uneventfully wonderful. Our baby is growing and seems healthy, and after missing the pleasures of the first half of my pregnancy I am now trying to enjoy every moment.
And so I find myself at a loss... I am used to blogging about being a bitter infertile, and subsequently about being frightened barely pregnant woman with a disease carrying a high rate of miscarriage. This blog is that of an infertile (which I will always be), and so it feels strange to just jump into issues that are now on my mind. Believe you me, I have plenty to discuss.
Most of what I think about deals with bringing home a real live baby boy in less than three months. Because, finally, I actually believe that's what's going to happen come March. I'm just having trouble reconciling writing about labour ideas, vaccination worries and breastfeeding fears in the same place where I bawled about the possibilities of pehaps never even getting the opportunity to do so.
I'm not sure how this space will evolve. I'm sure I will lose some of you, and I truly understand (and miss you dearly). Please know that I still visit you all.
It's not that I feel guilty about being here... I just wish more than anything that every single one of you was here with me. I guess that's my birthday wish.
I am so lucky to have met you all.
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16 comments:
Happy Birthday!!
Hee, I see you're only 10 days behind me - let's hope both our boys are born quickly and happily!!
Such a wonderful way to spend your birthday wish. :-) I look forward to reading about the progress of your pregnancy...congratulations and Happy Birthday.
Jen
Happy birthday from one December baby to another!
It's true, the content of our blogs has to change as our experiences do. Hopefully the readership understands.
happy birthday! i hope you had a lovely day. Just think how different next year's will be...
Happy Birthday!
It stands to reason that your Blog friends change throughout your journey.
I liked the fact that you talk about your entries from last year. A year can make all the difference in the world. I try to remember this, it gives me some hope.
Happy birthday!
We've been with you along this journey, and it's completely appropriate to begin discussing nursery decor, labor fears, and "OH MY GOD! I'm going to be a mom," freak out moments. You are at liberty to discuss more than just infertility. So bring it on girl. You've earned it! :-)
Happy Birthday!
I sincerely hope that your space transitions easily for you. It can be difficult but I'd miss you very much if you hung up the blog. I enjoy reading about your experiences.
I know you must have had a wonderful birthday!!
I sometimes get worried about posting a lot of my pregnancy and baby preparation thoughts, too.
Happy birthday!
Happy Belated Birthday!
Happy Birthday from a fellow capricorn! I am right there with you -- all I ever wanted was to be a mom and I'm right on track this year for my bday. Even made DH promise not to buy me another gift since this is the best one ever.
:)
Happy Belated Birthday!
Your trials in the past, though real and gut-wrenching, are giving way to a new a joyous time of your life that of course you should be celebrating! Please know that for this lurker, you bring me hope and joy that there is a better place for all of us who await the birth of our sweet boys - or girls!!! Please keep writing!
Happy Birthday. I am so glad that you are in a differente palce that you were last year
Happy birthday!
Happy Birthday! (Late, I know!)
And honestly? Blog what you feel. This space is one of the few places which is ALL YOURS. And it's bound to change as life circumstances dictate.
So bring it on, sister. I'm a few weeks behind you, and I'm willing to bet that we share some of the same fears and worries. :)
73 days to go?!?!?!? Is that possible????!!!!
You know, that's LESS THAN 3 months!!!!!
so happy for you, my good friend!
peace and love,
shlomit
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