Monday, April 09, 2007

OH... THE PILL

I am no stranger to "The Pill".

My first oxymoronic encounter with this wonder drug was when I was 16 or so. I had an evident "hormone inbalance" that was obviously not going to resolve itself as I progressed through puberty. I was intially presented with a 2-pill cocktail that would regulate all the inbalances, and when these drugs were no longer available (I don't know why, and there was no internet search back then!) I was handed my first package of birth control. Both these prescriptions played wonderfully with my hormones allowing my periods to come regularly with reduced flow, and stopping the hair from growing on my face (the residue of which was removed by very painful first generation electrolysis.) Of course there was the added bonus: BIRTH CONTROL. Ha! Not so necessary for this virginal 16 year old. Oh how amusing it is for me to think of my mother marching into the pharmacy to pick up my birth control persription for me!

Ahhhhh... but then I turned twenty, and the sex was a plenty! Thank goodness for the pill, I said! Talk about killing two birds with one stone! I was in college, living the life, and still had my mother sending me my birth control in the mail. Let's not beat around the bush, I was thankful for my perscription in more ways than one! At last I was able to use the drug for its intended function- with the added bonus of lighter, predicatable periods and perfect skin.

As I reached my decade anniversary of use of the pill, the initial reason for its prescription was but a gray smudge in my history. I had long stopped thinking as my body as abnormal, and couldn't image my life without the pill. My time of heavy, unbearable periods and sidelong glances from strangers at my "sideburns" were ancient history. For all intents and purposes, I forgot that it was doing something in my body other than preventing pregnancy.

Preventing pregnancy with a pill! What a fucking hoot! But I digress.

Enter The C, and marriage, and my last package of pills. For years we discussed having children, and while The C was ready from the day we met, I seemed to be always waiting for the "right time". Alas, I discovered there was never going to be a perfect time, and we might as well get on with it. I made the arbitrary decision to finish my current stash of birth control (which my mother still seemed to procure for me for free from the nurse at the gyn's office. YES! This nurse!), and that would end one period in my life and thus the commencement of another.

After almost half my life on the pill, I was pill free. For 15 months I was without.

And then I encountered the oxymoronic use of the pill for the second time in my life. For use while I was activly trying to get pregnant. I fucking hate taking the pill this time around. There is no status associated with it here. Each new pack of pills I pop open again signifies to me that my body is abnormal. It reminds me that I have just had another failed cycle. It emphasizes the shittyness of not being able to do two medicated cycles in a row. It points out to me that I only have 6 chances for pregnancy a year. I'm not even sure that hate is a stong enough word...

Last night I took my last BCP for this upcoming cycle. CD1 should be next Monday. I can't even tell you how much I hope I don't have to open another package of those suckers for at least 15 months.

18 comments:

Flygirl said...

Ah yes, the pill. I went on them at 15 because of crazy periods. I, too, conveniently forgot that was the reason that I went on them. Occasionally I would go off them for a month of two and then remember why I was on them. Then I went off them to get pregnant and the rest is history. I don't know what I'll do now. Technically I could get pregnant without them and they sure did make life easier but..... it just seems wrong.

decemberbaby said...

Here's to not having to take another pill for a looong time... I really hope this cycle does it for you!

Samantha said...

Your story is so similar to mine. I went on at 18 because of abnormal periods, but was just so relieved to have an excuse to take them I didn't really worry about the doctor telling me I had PCOS. That part of the equasion didn't really come back until nearly 12 years later... I hope things go better for you this cycle.

Dianne/Flutter said...

I wonder how many people have similar stories. Me too! I was on the pill for over ten years because of controllable periods. Absent for 3 months - bleeding for 3 months.

Wishing you GOOD HOPES!

Ann said...

I'll chime in here: Me too! If only doctors would have known more about PCOS 15 years ago, and given us more firm information. Unlike you, I was very concerned about my need for BCP. I would always ask doctors if this meant I would have problems getting pregnant, and they would tell me not to worry about that yet. Ha! And they even told me the blood tests "confirmed" I didn't have PCOS. Did they even think to look at my fucking ovaries?

mandolyn said...

I'm a certified Pill-Hater, too. I'm not sure how to have an actual period without them (except with prometrium), and that quite frankly scares me.

Here's to hoping that you don't have to mess with them for a long time!

Mary Ellen and Steve said...

I hate the pill too. I have been on it for ovarian cysts and irregular heavy periods since the ripe old age of 14.

I hope that this is your last pack of pills for a very long time.

Kristen said...

I, too, am a fellow Pill hater. I went on the Pill at 18 for 2.5 years for birth control. I loved how it made my cycles regular - that was the bonus for me at the time. I went off of the Pill when I became single again and my periods were never the same.

I went on the Pill again in July 2005, this time to regulate my cycles. What happens? We get pregnant! Unfortunately, I miscarried 5 weeks later in August. You can guess why I dread ever having to go back on it for any reason.

I hope neither of us has to take them EVER AGAIN!

My Reality said...

I remember that first pack or birth control from the RE - I was so pissed off. I remember thinking I was paying him to try and get me pregnant and he gives me the pill. I was not happy. As long as it works, right?

Carrie said...

My story almost exactly matches yours. I was looking up symptons in a medical book (nerd) and realised I had PCOS (but it was called stein something disease) I went to my doctor and told him what I thought. He laughed and said he didn't think so but gave me the pill for good measure.
I too sort of believed everything was ok although it took me a while to be brave enough to come off the pill in case my symptons came back. They've not really come back actually but I'm not pregnant either. Hmmm

AJ said...

Man, do they ever keep us in the dark. I've gone off the pill now hoping to start TTC soon and am still waiting for a period. I even asked several years ago if I should give my body a break for a while, just so it was used to doing things on its own, but was told there was no point to resting. It hasn't been ages since I've been off the pill (January) but I'm starting to get nervous. Hang in there ladies!

Princess Barren said...

Ditto, ditto, and ditto.

I don't know what I loathe more-having to take the pill now, or knowing that I wasted so much money on the pill for so many years.

TeamWinks said...

Here's to hoping you won't have to be a pill popper anytime soon again!

sariel & shlomit said...

friggin' ironic, isn't it?!
i'm wishing for no pills for you for a good long time!!!
love you!
peace
shlomit

Christina said...

that is weird. anything to prevent pg'y just seems weird. i also felt really weird about getting my dog fixed. she was fertile, she met me, and then she was infertile. weird.

well, i hope this is your last b/c...ever.

decemberbaby said...

Hey, I know you're still around. Post again, I need me a Ms. C fix!

Beagle said...

How true!

It felt SO ironic to take the pill in order TO get pregnant. I resented every one of those suckers during the supression phase.

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