Thursday, January 04, 2007

OH! IT'S 2007?

For the past week or so I have been pondering and over-pondering what I would write for this monumental first post of the New Year. The truth is that I don't feel anything monumental at all. Today, the fourth day after the start of 2007, feels just like any other day.

The whole Christmas and New Years thing has never been significant to me. I don't celebrate the birth of Christ, and my New Year celebration falls sometime in September. Don't get me wrong, it's great to have a couple of daysoff to spend with The C: time to relax and reconnect. We're not party animals, so often the evening of December 31 unfolds just like any other weekend night. We have fun, and are in bed before midnight.

(More significant is my birthday which falls between the two holidays. On this day I often take a bit of time for private reflection. In the past few year I have found that I also take a moment to think about my parents and their excitement that they must have felt on the day I was born, as well as the hard work that my mother put in to bring me into the world. Perhaps it is because my birthday falls at the end of the December that I don't find the start of a new year a momentous time for resolutions and reflections.)

I haven't made any resolutions. My hopes and dreams have not changed since last week, last month, or in the last 17 months. 2006 was not the best year in my life. I struggled with things that I never thought I would have to deal with in a million years. But today I am still having the same struggles. I've said it before, and I will say it again: I am a realist. Realistically speaking I will not bring a baby into my home in 2007. For that I would have to conceive in my next cycle, and well, we all know the chances of a positive outcome...

January 1 marked the start of our 17th month of trying to conceive. Each start of a new month adds another notch in that belt, and I so wish it weren't so. I can't help thinking that if everything had gone as planned we would be holding a 5 month old baby in our arms. (I can do the math... 17-9=8, but let's face it, it could take three months...) It's amazing to me that it can easily be 17+ months before our dreams come true. No matter where I am in my cycle, where we are in the year, where I am in my life, I am consumed with my infertility. There's nothing new and exciting about IF this year, it's still the disgusting fart stinking up my life.

At the risk of being a complete downer about the new year, I can say that 2006 was certainly not the worst of my 32 years. There were highlights, and many things that I am thankful for.

This is as good a time as any (and I will try to do so regularly, because it's just a kind thing to do,) to wish you all much health and happiness, and dreams that come true. Though I don't know most of you personally, you are all important to me and I hold you in a special place in my heart.

C'mon 2007, hit me with your best shot!

14 comments:

Flygirl said...

May 2007 bring you all sorts of wonderful things.

Margo said...

I hope that 2007 is the year for a lot of us in this community. Thinking of you.

Nico said...

I think it's great that you're still able to see the good parts of 2006. I hope that even if you don't get to bring a baby home in 2007, that you DO make a start towards one for 2008!!

My Reality said...

There were good parts of 2006, I just hope 2007 has many more! I don't even think that sounds selfish. I hope that for us all.

Thalia said...

It was my worst year too, and I've lived through more of them than you have!

I do find the time passing thing incredibly difficult. When people tell me they are pregnant, go on maternity leave, and come back, and I'm still not pregnant - that's tough!

I'll keep my hopes up for 2007. It's better than despairing completely.

TeamWinks said...

Chin up dear. You simply never know. May 2007 prove to be a better year than last. (I'm not asking for much am I?!)

sariel & shlomit said...

you said it girl!
and i had a giggle about your 31 december comments as i can certainly relate...i made my 'resolutions' (i.e. no lashan horah!...yet again!) in september and i was cleaning toilets on the night of the 31st...but this is your blog so......
let me say that as years go...i hope and pray this one is it for you...and me...and every last damn one of us...may we all have little ones to fall in love with....

and may i say also, how spectacular it was to see you one day post birthday...and yah, even if we did only talk about one thing! (IS there anything else to talk about?!)

peace
shlomit

theoneliner said...

We have a lot in common.We're 32, both have bdays in late december, and both have been ttc'ing for waaaayyyyy too long. See, we're twins.

I'm glad that you can see some goodness in 2006. That's at least one sign that infertility hasn't totally taken over your life.

Here's hoping that 2007 bring us both a little one.

Lut C. said...

You're pretty optimistic, inviting 2007 to give it it's best shot. I'm glad you're feeling all right. Best wishes for 2007!

Ella said...

Wishing you only good things in 07. No wait, GREAT things. If 2007 isn't the year that you bring home a baby, then hopefully it's the year you become pregnant. Here's to a bright, healthy, fertility filled future!

Lynn said...

Trying to conceive can be a really difficult time in a woman's life. But just try to hang in there. Best wishes and baby dust!

https://babytalker.blogspot.com

www.babytalkin.com

mandolyn said...

Dear 2007,
Please be good to the C's. They truly deserve it. Suprise them with all the good things you have in store for them. Above all, don't suck. I mean it.
Warmest regards,
mandolyn

The Town Criers said...

It's sort of like birthdays too--when people ask if you feel different the next day. Well...um...it's just another day sometimes.

I hope 2007 brings happiness. I hope it brings peace. I hope it DOES NOT hit you! With its best shot or even its mediocre one.

flygirl said...

You know... pretty soon it will be February.... Anything interesting going on?