MONTH ONE

My precious pumpkin,

I can hardly believe you have been around a month already. (Yes, I know it's a few days late, but so were you coming into this world, so let's just call it even.) We use the phrase "I can't believe that..." alot around here. That's because you're unbelievable. You are pretty amazing, little guy. We worked so hard to get you and you are all ours. It still seems so unreal.

When your papa and I carried you out of the hospital (the first time, when you were 2 days old), we looked at each other and mused: I can't believe they are just going to let us walk out of here with this perfect child. Truth be told, even though I had yearned for you for 32 months (plus an extra 9 days for good measure!) I had no idea what we were doing.

One month later I am learning minute by minute and day by day what your needs are. You are doing a great job of teaching me what you need. Your classes are very hard- some of the hardest I have ever attended- but I think that I'm passing.

One of the toughest classes by far has been breastfeeding. At first I couldn't even imagine that my breasts would be able to nourish you. I know, it's an age-old art, but when it came down to doing it, you and I, I found myself thinking "how's that gonna work?!". After many trying times (made much more difficult because of your stay in the NICU) it would seem that we have this eating thing down pat. It's like a well choreographed dance: you whimper, I whip out my boob, you are thrilled. Lesson learned. We even successfully got you fed in public on a number of occasions. Really, I can't believe that my breast milk is making you grow big and strong.

And big and strong you certainly are! At your 2 week check-up you weighed 8lb 4oz, and I'm sure you are well over 9lb by now. I feel it- you are getting heavier. And pudgier-your thighs, hands and neck are really filling out. It's amazing to watch day by day how you are learning to control your body parts. Your neck is so strong- you often want to hold up your head all on your own. And you have discovered how to get your hands to your mouth- a feat that requires so much coordination! It's so fun to lay you on your tummy for a minute or two and watch you stretch and exercise your arms and legs- you seem to have endless amounts of energy bursting out of your every limb!

But, I have to admit, it is more fun to watch you sleep peacefully. Primarily because with your eyes closed you look so peaceful and beautiful. I feel like I could sit and stare at you for hours. But I can't- this is the time that I use to get stuff done: work, laundry, shower, pee, the list can go on and on! Sometimes, if I'm lucky, I am able to take a nap too. Oh, and the second reason that I love to watch you sleep? It's knowing that once again I was able to do something right by you: it's a major accomplishment sending you off into dreamland.

Speaking of major, let's take a moment to discuss your poop. Kid: you poop like no other. Your quantity, frequency and timing are probably unparalleled. We had to move to a bigger diaper size just to be able to contain your movements. (All is normal, I have been assured. But it DOES seem like alot.) One skill you have mastered is the projectile poop. Oh, your papa and I have learned our lesson! Change that diaper FAST. Last week your poop travelled no less than 5 feet across the room when our timing was off. And somehow the other day you managed to plant poo on papa's leg. Still trying to figure that one out.

I think your papa and I thought we would never become the type of parents to discuss sleeping, crying, eating and pooping with so much interest and enthusiasm. But you are the new centre of our universe, and these are your crowning achievements. How could we not spend hours dissecting their frequency, change or meaning? I mean, it's all just so important!

The newest lesson I have learned is that if I do everything right by you, you will give me the biggest reward of all. You show me what love and joy and feel like. You have even started showing me your gorgeous gummy toothless grin. A smile that melts my heart, that makes me think: I can do this, and I'm doing it right. And that, most of all, is so amazing to believe.

I love you.