Friday, February 08, 2008

B MINUS 6 WEEKS

I did have great plans for journaling my entire pregnancy. But alas... It seems it has just gone and happened. Slipped right through my fingers. Not that I'm taking it for granted. I try to treasure every second (no joke), but writing about it has been hard for me.

Especially in the past couple of weeks with all the loss that has been running around. Some days I just sat and cried as I read blogs. And then I felt that posting here about my own pregnancy seemed all gloat-y somehow. I know- it's my blog and I can post about me, and I shouldn't feel guilty, etc- but that's just my point: I dodn't feel right talking about me.

It has taken me so long to sit down and actually click compose because I feel there are no words that I can give to adequately show my sympathy to these women who have gone through so much only to lose what they have worked for. Simply no words. In situations like these I find myself saying "I'm sorry" and "I love you", and I hope and pray that the words convey enough.

******

Perhaps turniong to talking about how the baby is due in six weeks (and, please, not a minute more!) is not the best accompanyment to my thoughts above, but I am here, and I am writing, so I am trying to take advantage!

There is so much to say, I'm going to take a step back and list off some things. If anything is of interest to you, please feel free to comment.

- I did my 1hour glucose test about 5 weeks ago. The test wasn't that bad- the drink tasted like orange crush. It was more a pain in the ass having to fast, do all the blood draws and sit around for an hour. About 45 minuts through I realized I felt like shit. And pretty much felt that way the whole day. No surprise (because I was feeling so crappy, I felt the effects on my body): it came back positive. So I was sent for a 2 hour test. Which was an even bigger, longer pain in the ass, and which did not leave me feeling crappy. It was negative (by a long shot). So my doctor was happy, and I can continue to eat all the carbs I want.

- Which leads well into talking about my weight gain. Up until about 28 weeks I was happy to announce to the world that I had only gained 2 pounds so far in the pregnancy. At 32 weeks I was up 4 more. This week (at 34 weeks) I was up FOUR POUNDS IN TWO WEEKS. High holy hell! Look, I know that 10 pounds so far is not that much weight to gain. I know a lot of you guys have gained a lot more. But let me be honest here: I started out pretty high in the weight area, folks. Someone with my BMI "should" (and I quote that very loosely) gain 15 pounds in her pregnancy. So I was kind of aiming for that. I figured that from 32 weeks, at a pound a week I would be sailing smoothly. But, eeks... if I continue at 2 pounds a week for the next 6 weeks-yowzers.

- Which is not to say that I am complaining about the possibility that I am gaining more than "they" say I "should" (really, who are they, and when have I ever done what I should?!), I am just a bit concerned about how my body is going to handle carrying around these 12 more pounds that are going to pack on in such a short period of time. Already sleeping has become an activity of Olympic proportions (or should I say: moving in bed is), and I am having such pressure in my pelvis that sometimes makes taking 2 consecutive steps unbearable.

- And so I find myself waddling, people. WAH-DUL-ING. Not a pretty sight. It's weird. And embarassing. And friends and family think it's so cute. But: it's not. Ugh, I am annoying myself, I will stop talking about this. (Mental picture of me waddling, please go away!)

- A nicer (who else hates the word nice?) thought: the baby's room is all painted. It's gorgeous, and it's exactly what I always pictured. You want to see a picture? Maybe next time.

- We also have purchased most of our baby items, though the big stuff is on order and won't arrive for at least a couple of weeks. Which is ok with me: I'm not sure I am ready to handle an all set-up baby room. After 3 years of looking at this room (we called it the little room, and it was mostly filled with our overflowing stuff), it's hard to believe that we are going to use it for our baby.

- But maybe we won't use the room for a bit... We are still up in the air on co-sleeping. The C is leaving the decision up to me, and I go back and forth daily. I know that we can't have the baby sleep with us in our bed (it just won't work with our sleep style- it's not a jugement that I am making on people who DO choose this route), but I'm not sure whether to purchase a co-sleeper (or bassinet). Is it worth the money for just a few months? After which may be a difficult transition to the crib? I JUST DON'T KNOW. (Help? but not in an assvicey way, please!)

- So: I'm talking like there's gonna a be a baby in the house, eh? That would mean the baby will have to come out of me. I was ok with this thought through most of the pregnancy, but now that the reality is looming, it's starting to freak me out. I know... there is nothing I can do about it now. But I keep imagining worst case scenarios. I can't help it. Though I do feel more confident knowing that we have a fine doula on board. SO far I think that is the best choice we have made since choosing our clinic.

- And though right this moment (I italicize taht because, well, this feeling may chnage in the next hour) I am not concerned about how to take care of the baby (I have lots of guidance, and I know we will figure out what works best for us by trial and error), I am concened about a pediatrician and about vaccinations. Don't fret- we DO have a pediatrician lined up to see the baby. But I am really nervous about telling the pedi that I do not want to vaccinate my child (at least for the time being.) (Again-this is something that has taken me tons of research and time to decide, and it's good for me. I don't judge you, and I expect that you won't judge me.) The problem here is that there aren't any pediatricians that fit the following criteria: in my area, associated with the children's hospital, and ok with not vaccinating infants. So I know I will have a fight on my hands, and it's causing me some level of anxiety.

Alright... this is what happens when I don't post for so long- I have manual diarrhea. (nice image, you're welcome.) And so I sign off. And promise to try to be here before another month passes.

18 comments:

Ann said...

You know, it just helps that you don't take your pregnancy for granted. That's the biggest thing that bothers me about so many who haven't experienced loss.

Here's hoping the weight gain slows down! Yay for only six weeks to go!

sky girl said...

I love it when you update. :)

So, listen. I would suggest buying a basinette. A vibrating one. It saved my sanity. Chicka and I did end up cosleeping but only because that's the only way I could get any sleep. The basinette was the next thing and it wasn't hard at all to get her to the crib. At first I moved the crib to the foot of the bed, then into her room, then beside her crib and then into the crib. Jenny from the IF Block swears by her cosleeper but I wouldn't spend the money until you know it's something you might use. A basinette can be rolled from room to room and it's easy to take with you when you go away.

And: I bet you'll lose the weight within 5 days of delivery! I swear!

Keep us posted. I so miss being pregnant that I love to read about yours. :)

Geohde said...

Why is it that everyone else's pregnancies seem to go so much faster than mine?

B minus 6 weeks? ALready???

:)

J

Krista said...

I had a lovely bassinette and still bought the secure co-sleeper. Here's my 2 cents. Although I loved the co-sleeper, and it is probably the only way I got sleep in the first 4 weeks (not because of the baby but because quite unexpectedly I was very paranoid about being asleep when he was so far away (you know.. a whole 2 feet from my bed in the bassinette). Anyway, the problem is that he outgrew it in a month so it was not very economical. However, the bassinette I used for all naps and every night until he was 3 months. And then I transitioned him to his bed (with no problems!) but I continued to use it another month or two whenever we wanted to go away for the night. Basically I used it until he wouldn't fit it in anymore. I highly recomend the bassinette!

Congrats on only 6 weeks to go. I'm with Sky, I think you'll lose the weight quickly. I gained 21 lbs during my pregnancy and it was gone within 6 weeks. Unfortunately my body shape is still drastically different but that is probably because I stubbornly refuse to do toning exercises. Blah.

Heather said...

Yes, I would like a picture Please!

Lut C. said...

Good to hear your pregnancy has gone so well.

Me and my girl became accidental co-sleepers. I would have liked to get a babybay, but our room is too small. At a certain point, my baby was suddenly ready to sleep in her crib. Luckily too, because now she thrashes too much in her sleep.

I must say there's little debate regarding vaccinations where I live. I was under the impression that the studies that sparked all the concern were shown to be seriously flawed afterwards. Someone wrote an excellent post on the issue, but I can't remember who. I haven't researched it in depth myself.
Nothing is risk-free, there is too much conflicting information out there and you can never tell which will be falsified later on. It isn't easy.

Samantha said...

It is really nice to get an update, I'll read your diarrhea any time.

Thalia said...

I would heartily support having the baby in your room for the first few months. There is no way I'd have been happy with Pob in teh nursery, not to mention the cost of the extra few minutes involved in getting her/settling her in terms of sleep deprivation. We have a crib (I think you might call it a bassinette) by the side of our bed and she's still in it now, I can't bear to move her to her own room and she sleeps fine in it, always has. It rocks, which helps.

So glad to hear all is well with the pregnancy, not long to go now!

Natalie said...

Like I posted in my journal, we're doing the arm's reach cosleeper route. We really wanted to be as close as possible, but not IN the bed for safety reasons (or my husband's paranoia... one or the other). Yeah, it was hard to choke down that cost, not knowing if it was going to work or not. But... we're going to try it and just hope. Too bad I can't let you know how it goes, as you'll probably be testing the waters first!

I understand on all the rest. Even I, who expect to gain more weight overall than you do, kind of freak when I put on that much weight in a week. It's hard not to freak. It brings up all these horrible mental images of that type of weight gain continuing for the rest of the pregnancy. Eeepers.

I'm glad you passed your 2-hour test! Sorry the 1-hour left you feeling so bad though.

Somewhat Ordinary said...

Yay, 6 weeks!!

I think the waddling is just par for the course. Everyone does it and there isn't much you can do to stop it!

es said...

I purchased the arm's reach cosleeper and have not really used it as a cosleeper yet. We now have a baby nurse for the week and she sleeps with the kids in the second bedroom- and the truth is- in the end I'm not sure how comfortably I would sleep, having the babies right next to me and being able to hear every grunt they make. WE'll see how I feel after the nurse leaves- I'm not sure how OK I'll be running into the second bedroom every 5 minutes to comfort a screaming child, so it might end up being more convinient.

nutsinmay said...

Lovely to hear from you, glad everything is going well, and ahhh, you're so cute when you waddle ;).

Char said...

Hello there! I found your blog on a link via "But You're Still Young" and I'm glad I did! I love reading blogs of people who are getting their Happily Ever After, espcially since I'm still chasing my Happy Ending. I hope you don't mind if I return to lurk some more? c",)

Caro said...

Thanks for the update, I have a feeling I'm beginning to waddle as well.

Great to hear that things are going well and hope you find a pediatrician that respects your wishes.

As for the bed options I have no advice as I'm still trying to work out the answer myself.

The Town Criers said...

I would like to see a picture of the room. It's crazy how soon the baby will be here.

sariel & shlomit said...

hey girl!
how i missed this before going on holiday i don't know but i'm here now....
ms. c...you are making me cry. cry, cry, cry. completely and utterly fahrklempt. i wish i could be right there with you, watching you waddle and whatever else. i'm so happy for you and the c. so happy i could cry. in fact i will.
there.
i'm crying.

i'm counting down the days my good friend.
sending loads of love always.
peace
shlomit

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the updates. We also got a babybay. ( at www.quatschilala.de ) Since we got this bed, I can sleep even longer :-) Thank god for this useful idea! Anne

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