SICK, BUT OTHERWISE OK

There is always so much that I want to post about. I feel like I am losing my grasp on journaling this experience.

But today I am sick. It came on from nowhere (other than since my positive test I have had an unbelievable increase in snot production). It's definitely a sinus infection, but I am adamantly against taking any meds if possible. So I am waiting for a call from my wonderful homeopath who will hopefully refer me to the magical remedy. I have great faith in her... I usually am hit with major yuckiness like this twice a year, but since beginning my treatment with my homeopath almost 2 years ago I have managed to remedy being sick like this within 2 days. (By comparison, course of antibiotics from my doctor would see me better in about 7.)

That's the news for today. I'm still compiling an interesting list of reactions to my pregnancy (some will make your jaw drop.) Also coming at some point: my 2nd OB appointment, wherein the waiting was more interesting that the appointment itself.

Come back for more! I wish you all happy days, my dear friends.

TO MY SWEETHEART

Happy fourth anniversary. I love you so much, words can't even describe. It is impossible to imagine where I would be today without you.

You're the sweetest thing.

(Hey folks, you want a picture? Click to last year's post. aren't we a cute couple?)

BACK FROM AWAY, BUT NOT QUITE HERE

I was on vacation. And I didn't warn you. I hope you haven't been fretting too much.

It's so true what many have you have pointed out- the longer you wait between posts the more difficult it is to get back here and write. I have had posts upon posts swirling around in my head for weeks, but I'm not really sure how to get all my thoughts out coherently. Yes! So may thoughts! I am thinking things- can you imagine?! But everything is all over the place.

I might as well start with this: I am still pregnant. Physically, all 12w3d of my baby seems to being doing just fine. On Thursday we went for out first trimester Integrated Screening tests (which included my first ultrasound not done by my RE, as well as the phenomenon of being able to remain clothed during the process.) The sonographer, who explained every detail of what's going on inside (much to my glee) pronounced everything just perfect. Of course I couldn't have hoped for better news.

So, though the baby is growing just fine physically, it doesn't seem that my psyche wants to catch up. While I am thankful for every moment of this pregnancy (there are not even words to describe), I find myself unable to feel completely blissful about it. I can't seem to be able to completely just let go of my fear and start to enjoy. It also doesn't seem quite real- kind of like this isn't happening to me. When I think of pregnant me I feel as if I step out of my body and am looking at myself from across the street. It's as though pregnant me and infertile me can't co-exist in the same body and brain. It is truly a surreal experience.

The hardest part about the surreality of the pregnancy is that other people don't seem to understand why I feel this way. And you know that I'm not talking about you, oh friends of the blogosphere! Next time I think I will post about peoples' reactions to our news to lighten things up a bit around here. (I know you will have a good laugh.) In the meantime, thanks for listening. Again, I am ever thankful for your presence and support.


PS: I'm going to shuffle my blogroll around a bit- if I have put you in a category that you don't feel comfortable residing in, please let me know.