OH! IT'S 2007?

For the past week or so I have been pondering and over-pondering what I would write for this monumental first post of the New Year. The truth is that I don't feel anything monumental at all. Today, the fourth day after the start of 2007, feels just like any other day.

The whole Christmas and New Years thing has never been significant to me. I don't celebrate the birth of Christ, and my New Year celebration falls sometime in September. Don't get me wrong, it's great to have a couple of daysoff to spend with The C: time to relax and reconnect. We're not party animals, so often the evening of December 31 unfolds just like any other weekend night. We have fun, and are in bed before midnight.

(More significant is my birthday which falls between the two holidays. On this day I often take a bit of time for private reflection. In the past few year I have found that I also take a moment to think about my parents and their excitement that they must have felt on the day I was born, as well as the hard work that my mother put in to bring me into the world. Perhaps it is because my birthday falls at the end of the December that I don't find the start of a new year a momentous time for resolutions and reflections.)

I haven't made any resolutions. My hopes and dreams have not changed since last week, last month, or in the last 17 months. 2006 was not the best year in my life. I struggled with things that I never thought I would have to deal with in a million years. But today I am still having the same struggles. I've said it before, and I will say it again: I am a realist. Realistically speaking I will not bring a baby into my home in 2007. For that I would have to conceive in my next cycle, and well, we all know the chances of a positive outcome...

January 1 marked the start of our 17th month of trying to conceive. Each start of a new month adds another notch in that belt, and I so wish it weren't so. I can't help thinking that if everything had gone as planned we would be holding a 5 month old baby in our arms. (I can do the math... 17-9=8, but let's face it, it could take three months...) It's amazing to me that it can easily be 17+ months before our dreams come true. No matter where I am in my cycle, where we are in the year, where I am in my life, I am consumed with my infertility. There's nothing new and exciting about IF this year, it's still the disgusting fart stinking up my life.

At the risk of being a complete downer about the new year, I can say that 2006 was certainly not the worst of my 32 years. There were highlights, and many things that I am thankful for.

This is as good a time as any (and I will try to do so regularly, because it's just a kind thing to do,) to wish you all much health and happiness, and dreams that come true. Though I don't know most of you personally, you are all important to me and I hold you in a special place in my heart.

C'mon 2007, hit me with your best shot!